


look pretty, it's better for business

by NinePercentofChina



Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: 1927 Beijing, Alternate Universe - Prostitution, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempt at Humor, Bartender Linong and Ziyi, Beijing opera dancer Chengcheng and Justin, Cook Zhangjing, Fed-up janitor Xiao Gui, Fluff, Forced Prostitution, Heavy Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Underage Prostitution, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Prostitute Xukun, Prostitute Yanjun, Prostitute Zhengting, Rape/Non-con Elements, Religious References, i'm so sorry i hope i can make you cry, no actually smut sorry that's disgusting, probably innapropriate jokes, suprisingly, why does this have any humour
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 14:13:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 21
Words: 32,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14833805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NinePercentofChina/pseuds/NinePercentofChina
Summary: Beijing, March of 1927.Youth is fleeting, and sadly, that youth was wasted.





	1. a little overtime won't kill you

**Author's Note:**

> So, read the tags. There's some heavy shit, if you can't handle it please don't go on. I don't want to mentally scar some poor unsuspecting reader. But give it a chance even if there's probably a ton of mistakes.

Zhengting sighed, collapsing onto what he called his bed.  It was just an old straw mattress laid over a wooden cart. A thin blanket was lazily strewn over it,  far too thin to possibly provide enough warmth. Fires were only lit on the guest floors, the workers’ rooms were crowded in the top floor. It wasn’t nice, but it was enough, he accepted it. He just liked that he had some sort of home, even if he always came back to it tired and in pain. Zhengting closed his eyes, heavy with the desire to sleep. He really was worn out, utterly exhausted. It had been a long day.

 

A few hours later, Zhengting woke up to the sound of the room’s door creaking open, and unsteady footsteps padding into the room. He sat up groggily, and slowly opened his eyes.

 

Xukun looked worse compared to his appearance earlier that morning. The boy wobbled over to Zhengting, and fell on to the bed next him. They had shared this small bed for probably four or five years, and neither had much of an issue with it. They always had each other for warmth, both physical and emotional.

 

“Zhengting. I was dumb again.” Xukun choked out rested his head on Zhengting’s shoulder, taking deep breaths.

 

“It’s okay Kun, you’re okay. Just a little overtime won’t kill you.”

 

Xukun smiled softly and closed his eyes, enjoying the way Zhengting soothingly combed through his hair. He was only a few years older, but gave off the same energy as a parent, raising and keeping care of his brothers. They had both been in the brothel for way too long, but Zhengting had spent his whole life there. He had been born into the system, and worked as a dancer, before being forced into prostitution work. Xukun had been there for a far shorter period of time, yet still agonizingly long. From the age of 13, almost 14. His father liked drinking, smoking, gambling, really doing anything a father shouldn't. And people were worth money, a lot more money than even cattle.

 

 

Maybe he should have felt a bit more bitter. Not to say that he wasn't. But in the end, he just missed his family. His genuine family, his mother. 

 

The elder softly brushed the back if his index finger over Xukun's temple, where a few trickles of blood were starting to dry. A dark scarlet, some still dripping it’s way down to his chin. Zhengting had never liked seeing blood, it made him queasy. "Kunkun, how did this happen?"

  
  
He shook his head dismissively, "I'm fine, my last one was just rough."

 

Zhengting sighed and reached over, where a cheap board was haphazardly nailed to the wall near the bed. It functioned as a shelf, but most of the time, all they got out of it was a nice strike to the head when they sat up a bit too fast in the morning. He grabbed a roll of bandage and sat up, adjusting Xukun's position.

 

Carefully parting Xukun's hair back, he wrapped the gauze around his head and leaned him back down. Xukun grimaced as Zhengting’s nimble fingers brushed his wound, hissing quietly.

 

"Anywhere else?"

  
  
"Just bruises." The smaller smiled, genuinely, and rested his head back on Zhengting's shoulder. The older could see bruises indeed, a dark one forming on Xukun’s cheekbone, and painful red marks from the top of his neck to his collarbone, where a loose shirt hid anything else.

  
"As much as I'd love to say you can still be young and reckless, please be more careful." He leaned his head back on the stiff pillow. Xukun chuckled softly with a nod, pulling the blanket over himself. 

  
"Tomorrow's tuesday though."   
Tuesday was their only full day off, mostly just because not many people were gonna go out to a brothel on a tuesday night. That was a workday, after all, and it seemed that after the hype of mondays, no one wanted to do anything on a tuesday. They usually spent tuesdays in the taverns, hanging with their friends. They did have some, unbelievably. One another prostitute, and the rest worked either in the tavern or opera. All nine of them were close, they loved and supported each other. Despite the rather grim situation, all of them were silly, playing around and joking with each other. Both Zhengting and Xukun were rather social, and it lifted their moods greatly.

 

That’s how they got by every week.  

_‘It’s almost tuesday.’_

 

“Yeah. The only thing keeping you from hating mondays is the next day.” Zhengting remarked. "What are you, ten?"

 

“Well everyone’s grumpy on mondays.”

 

“Including me, so shut up and sleep, you’re barely keeping your head up.”

 

Xukun nodded blandly and took a deep breath, eyes closing gently. Soon enough, they both drifted off into sleep.

 

***

 

Xukun sat across from Ziyi at the bar, laughing quietly. The elder was cheering him up with an assortment of gestures he'd picked up while travelling further north. He had almost dropped a glass at some point, but he didn't seem to mind. Xukun didn't generally talk too much, but they were comfortable. Zhengting was sitting next to him, talking to Justin and Chengcheng. Those two boys were inseparable. They had both been abandoned at a young age, left to one of the Beijing performance businesses. Dancers, they performed on the street with other young boys. The two were also growing up rough. They were just money makers for their master, all they got was the bare minimum of food and a flimsy shack for shelter. They were weighed, measured, and trained to death daily, beaten if they did the slightest thing wrong. However, they did get the chance to see the city, and experience bits of the world. The two knew that the three working in the brothel couldn’t, and often recalled fun little stories.

 

Justin was sitting up on the table, legs swinging below him gently, and Chengcheng was sitting in the chair below him.

 

Nongnong was standing across the bar behind Justin, smiling and in the process of making each one of them strawberry milk. For whatever reason, Linong straight up refused to serve his friends alcohol, despite he and Ziyi being bartenders. Linong had always said that they were too thin, and needed to drink more milk to gain strength. Xukun just thought he was ridiculous, but Nong really was a sweetheart. Both the bartenders were sweethearts, taking care of the others when they needed.

 

Xiao Gui, or Wang Linkai, Xukun wasn’t really sure what his job was, he just carried things around and cleaned up, was busy cleaning off the table tops and setting chairs back where they belonged. However, he still made sure to talk with them. Xiao Gui was in interesting personality, a bit hard to approach at first, but really just a hyper and upbeat kid. Xukun was convinced he was eating something strange. 

 

Zhangjing, one of the brothel’s cooks, was busy in the kitchen, but occasionally walked over to hand out plates to the servers, or make short outbursts in a too-loud voice. Primarily directed at Yanjun. Zhangjing wasn't exactly the most intellectual of them all, but he was fun. He’d always sing while cooking, and no one complained.

 

All of the nine would have been there, enjoying some nice time together, if it weren’t for Yanjun. From what Zhengting and Xukun knew, Yanjun had been in one of the service rooms the entire night. They could probably make out screaming, but they had long since learned to tune the noise out. Yanjun was the same age as Zhengting, but he was stronger. Yanjun was definitely able to withstand a lot. The brothel owner really seemed to hate him, ever since he found him on the street. Something about Yanjun must have really put the guy off. He always gave him the worst customers, pushing Yanjun way further than any human should ever be pushed. Not to say, that the rest were pushed far past human decency as well.

 

Xukun smiled brightly at Nong, who smiled back down at him, passing a glass of strawberry milk.

 

“Thank you,” he breathed out, voice hoarse from the long weak.

 

Ziyi lightly brushed out Xukun’s hair with his fingers as the younger drew a long and steady sip from his glass. “Are you sure you’re alright? You’re not usually this quiet.”

 

“Bro, I’m fine.” Xukun grinned, biting lightly at the edge of the glass out of habit. “I’m just tired. And worried about Yanjun” His eyes wandered to the staircase behind the tavern, leading to the service rooms, and Ziyi’s gaze followed.

 

“He’s been up there far too long, who could possibly go that many rounds??” Zhangjing’s voice travelled in from the kitchen, and Zhengting nodded grimly.

 

Xukun jumped when he heard a loud banging, and heavy footsteps down the stairs. A large man marched through the tavern and out the door, closing it loudly.   
  
“Was that Yanjun’s..” Linong mumbled, eyes trailing the staircase.

 

At the continuous mention of Yanjun, Zhangjing had stepped out, leaving his soup to boil. “Yanjun will be coming out soon then, right??” Xukun just nodded.

 

A silence fell over them, aside from whispers between Chengcheng and Justin. After what felt like hours, but was probably less than a minute, they heard soft, uneven steps. Yanjun’s tall form appeared from the second story, and he shakily made his way down the stairs. His eyes were wide, his breathing was ragged, and his entire body was shaking. His lips were red and swolen, purple and yellow tinged his cheeks and forehead. It wasn’t hard to make out the huge, dark bruises, spreading from the corner of his lip and littering his collarbones, trailing down his chest. Through the thin, white shirt, Xukun could see numerous dark blotches, all over his torso.

 

Xukun, Zhengting, and Zhangjing ran up the stairs almost immediately. Zhangjing hooked Yanjun’s arm across his shoulders, and brought him down to the tavern carefully.

 

“Xukun, go find a sweater.” Zhengting followed the two back to the bar, and Xukun ran up, finding an old grey sweater. It wasn’t in rags and it actually covered some skin, a lot better than most of what they got. He brought it back down quickly, taking his seat back and handing it to Zhangjing.


	2. calloused hands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah uh, suddenly a lot more drama, be wary!

 

Yanjun could barely tell if he was conscious or not. Everything hurt. Just everything. He couldn’t even keep himself standing upright. Yanjun was bruised everywhere. All he wanted was to sleep, escape to a safe world of nothing but the darkness behind his eyelids. 

 

He felt someone, Zhangjing, help him sit down. The smaller boy pulled fabric over him, a sweater, and he grimaced as it scraped along his new injuries. Luckily, it was loose, and comfortably warm.

 

Not in the right state of mind to try and make sense of anything, through blinding pain and weariness, he put his head down on the table and let himself fall out of consciousness.

 

Zhangjing frowned, watching as Yanjun's head fell. He carefully moved Yanjun's dark hair away from his forehead. These moments always hurt Zhangjing. He had always worried most about Yanjun specifically, and he couldn't quite grasp why.    
  
"He'll be okay, right?"   
  
Zhengting smiled sadly and nodded. "Yanjun's strong. He'll be okay with some recovery time."   
  
"But none of that recovery time is ever gonna be enough," Zhangjing mumbled, then turned back into the kitchen. He took the soup off the stove, then took a bowl and filled it. After grabbing a wooden spoon off the counter, he returned to the bar. Zhangjing carefully set the bowl on the right side of Yanjun, smiling as the other shifted his sleeping position in response. 

 

“At least all of us are here now, though!” Chengcheng remarked before biting into his apple. None of them knew where he managed to get the food, but he seemed to always be eating whilst in the tavern. 

 

“Mhm, even the whores!” Justin, the youngest and lacking any awareness, received a pointed glare from both Zhengting and Xukun. Mainly Zhengting, who smacked him over the head.

 

“What?”  

 

Zhengting just shook his head, “At least respect you elders.”

 

Justin still didn’t seem to understand, but he shut his mouth and picked up his milk. He turned back to Chengcheng, starting to talk about something no one but the two cared for. 

 

Xukun had now managed to get his own bowl of food, just a some rice with meat and a few vegetables. The kitchen staff could get in trouble for feeding them, since their diet consisted of really nothing but watery, tasteless rice porridge, maybe with some bread on lucky days. But Xukun had a nice pair of wide, pitiful eyes, and he knew how to use them. He sat at the table, happily munching, letting Zhengting have some when he asked. 

 

After some time, Yanjun started to wake back up. Rubbing at his eyes, he slowly brought his head up and came to. In an instant, Zhangjing had made his way over. He reached up and engulfed poor disoriented Yanjun in a tight hug, rocking him back and forth lightly.

 

Yanjun just groaned and let Zhangjing do his thing for a moment. Eventually, he did feel the need to breathe, so he started flicking the side of Zhangjing’s head. 

 

“Zhangjing, I’m fine, you know that hurts.”    
  
Zhangjing made a noise and jumped away. “Sorry, sorry.” He sat up on the stool at the end of the bar and grinned, “Good morning Yanjun.” 

 

“Good morni-” Zhangjing thrust a spoonful of soup in his mouth and he nearly choked. 

 

“Dude what the fuck, warning?”

 

Zhangjing shrugged, “You need to eat, soup is good for body and soul!” 

 

Yanjun was about to retort, but Zhangjing lifted another spoonful for him and he decided to shut up. Xukun and Chengcheng both snickered, and Yanjun would have smacked them if they could. Luckily, it seemed Zhengting was thinking the same.

 

Zhangjing ended up feeding Yanjun the entire bowl, and he wasn’t sure if that was strange or sweet. 

 

Xukun’s bowl was also closed to finished, and he had ended up just sharing it with Zhengting. Xukun was a slow eater and Zhengting refused to go any faster than he did, so everyone was just watching them eat in growing frustration, their strawberry milk long gone. 

 

“Kunkun please it’s been like three hours bro,” Ziyi remarked, pouring a beer from someone. 

 

“Shut up, I can take as long as I please bRo,”    
Ziyi knew he was being mocked but didn’t have the heart to get mad at Xukun. He was still a sweet kid. He had grown up too quickly, all at once, so he tended to act more like a kid around them. A bit dumb, silly, but everyone was okay with it. A good half of them were complete idiots anyways. 

 

Linong walked back to the table from the kitchen, and passed Yanjun a cup of water. Linong, unlike most of them, was actually quite intelligent and responsible, he acted older than he was, and actually did his job, which was something. 

 

“Tired?” Linong asked and took Xukun’s finally (actually fucking finally) finished bowl, stepping away to put it with the rest of the unclean dishes. 

 

“Mhm, I went to bed later than usual. Do you get tired of serving drinks to old dudes for hours? It seems boring.”

 

Linong just laughed at him, patting his shoulder gingerly. “Nah, there’s a funny drunk fight every half hour or so.” He noticed Xukun chewing on his lip, and loosened his grip. 

 

“Do those not get old? I feel like I’ve pretty much seen them all.” 

 

He shook his head, “Nah, next thing you know, someone will be arguing about whether peanut butter or jelly comes first!” 

 

“Nongnong I’m happy you exist,” Xukun closed his eyes and rested the side of his head on his arm, which laid across the table. 

 

“Thanks, I’m happy I exist too.” Linong smiled, and patted the other’s hair softly, It grew fast, it was already starting to wave up at the tops of his ears. “I’m pretty sure you need a haircut again. Do you want some more milk?”

 

“Not everyone has a milk obsession like you!” Xiao Gui, who had just come back, called out. Xukun and Linong watched him drag Chengcheng and Justin away, probably to help him carry some shit. Zhengting just kept talking to Ziyi while his children got dragged away by their collars. 

 

Zhangjing had since kidnapped Yanjun, and the two were doing whatever the fuck it was they did in the kitchen. 

 

Now it was just Zhengting, Xukun, Ziyi, and Linong at the bar. Ziyi was stacking cups, and carrying them back to the sink for the filthy dishes, and Linong was continuing to serve customers. 

 

“Oh, by the way, we noticed your blanket looked like a starving dog in siberia so we got you a new one for winter.” Ziyi walked back, leaning against the wooden table. 

 

Xukun’s head popped back up, “Really?”

 

Zhengting pushed his head back down laughed as he protested. “Thank you, but why were you in our room?”

 

“We were supposed to be cleaning and got bored so we explored,” Linong popped his head over the menu board and responded for Ziyi. 

 

“Oh, cool. Now hug me,” Xukun reached his arms out for Ziyi and let himself get babied for a sweet moment. “We’d be dying here without you and Nong.”   
  
Ziyi smiled warmly and dropped him back down. “Stay safe you two, me and Nong need to go run errands. Make sure to rescue Yanjun, I’m not sure if Zhangjing’s killed him yet.”    
  
Linong and Ziyi cleaned their work areas up a bit and headed to the staff rooms, leaving Xukun and Zhengting again. 

 

“Kun, you look like you need caffeine. And concealer.”

 

“You look like you need a nice cup of tea, shut up.” Xukun laid his head back on the table, using his arm like a pillow. “I’m craving coffee.”

 

Zhengting laughed and shook his head, “Have you ever even had coffee?”

 

“What if I’ve read a very descriptive novel about coffee?”

 

“You can barely make your way through a children’s book.”

 

“Right.” Xukun had never really learned to read at home, he just learned what different signs around his town meant. He knew the basics, taught to him by an exasperated Linong, but probably wouldn’t ever be literate, he could barely hold a pen right. Zhengting, on the other hand, was actually relatively well educated. Despite never having left the brothel, he had met a lot of different people down in the tavern, and picked up on a lot of things. 

 

Zhengting smiled and reached out to pat Xukun, but felt himself get pulled back harshly. He was dragged out of the seat, and he limply fell down, pressed against a sweltering body. Slurred, drunken laughter boomed around him. The deep, ragged hiccups left him feeling cold, despite the red heat of his new surroundings. 

 

Before he could even look up, he felt a calloused hand grip his jaw, moving his head around like a doll’s. 

 

_ “Look at that, I grabbed a pretty one!”  _ More laughter. Too much laughter. It only now occurred to him how fast time passed, and how crowded the dimly lit tavern had become. Some people, he could tell, were only there to drink. Others definitely knew everything. 

 

Zhengting gasped sharply, letting out a small noise, when the man gripped his hair, jerking his head back sharply. His head hit the wall the man had stumbled up against, and sharp pain spread up through his temples. He could only catch a glimpse of the guy, a rugged jawline with tanned skin, sharp, dark eyes, and a large cross hanging from one ear. A fucking cross. How ironic. 

 

_ “Now come one, aren’t you supposed to be more entertaining? Bitch, what do you even get paid for?”  _

 

He felt hands, squeezing his shoulder, fingernails burrowing into his thigh. Dry, chapped lips traveling down his neck and collarbones, latching onto already painful bruises just to watch him squirm. He had never wished for anything more than he wished to reach up and tear that cross straight through the man’s ear. Zhengting was being moved around like a ragdoll, all he saw were people, too many and too loud, laughing, shouting. His head was spinning, every time he tried to gain his footing, he got a kick to his ankles, he was helpless all over again. 

 

Xukun only heard tinkles, near silent clicks, as shirtbuttons fell to the wooden floor pitifully. This mortified him, he felt frozen. Brothel-work wasn’t particularly known for safety, control, but he had never seen Zhengting so worn down. He practically looked like a corpse. His eyes were screwed shut, and he was biting his lip so harshly blood trickled down his chin. Xukun knew he couldn’t do anything, he knew he was too weak and even the idea was dumb, but he still ran to Zhengting, taking a firm grasp of his friends arm and trying to get him away. 

 

He was immediately pulled back, of course, grabbed too. He saw Zhengting fall to the ground. He got kicked around bit, but everyone was to drunken to lift him back up, distracted by a new shiny toy. Xukun immediately closed his eyes, trying to block everything out. 

 

“We’ve got ourselves another pretty one,” someone slurred, Xukun couldn’t even tell if it was from his right or left with all the commotion, and he didn’t really care, he was just waiting for everything to stop. 

 

“Too bad, this one’s already all roughed up, no fun.” His laughter boomed, fingers pressing into the bandage around his head. Xukun cried out, he had wanted to stay numb, but couldn’t fight instinct. 

 

“Mm, but he’s more entertaining.” He slid his hand under Xukun’s shirt and unlike Zhengting, Xukun did put up a fight. He kicked and pulled at the man’s arm, trying to at least loosen his grip.

 

The guy’s crowd had lost interest, returning to the drinking masses, and Zhengting had curled up against the wall, away from everyone. No one had noticed Zhengting, that was all Xukun cared about in the moment. He was being pulled back, he was beneath the staircase. It was musty and dark, only a faint yellow wafting in from the bar.

 

“Sir, please.” his lips quivered, voice barely audible as he was pushed up against the wall, wood creaking loudly from behind him. “P-please, I, I’m not working, I-”

 

He was interrupted by a smack, and stinging pain numbing his cheek. 

 

“But you work here, don’t you? What kind of excuse is that?” Xukun felt the cold metal of his earing brush against his jaw as the man leaned in. His own copper cross, hanging around his neck from a leather strand, felt painfully heavy on his chest. He could pray as much as he wanted, God would never help. ‘God helps those who help themselves.’ He tried to hold onto that phrase, but his hands bled as he scrambled to keep any grip of his former life. Xukun had no right to wear a cross, faithful or not, and knew that. 

 

With a strong grip around his neck pinning him to the wall, he couldn’t do anything. Salty tears rolled freely from his eyes, wetting the man’s hand. Xukun felt senseless. Like he was on far too much anaesthetic. His head was spinning, all he could feel was the man’s hot breaths. Heat was such a duality. 

 

The heat he felt at the end of the day, when Zhengting embraced him gently, loving and caring.

 

The heat under heavy blankets in one of the service rooms, feverish and pained. 

 

The heat from Linong’s and Ziyi’s careful caresses, how Ziyi would fix his hair or Linong would hand him that same old glass of milk, and Xukun made sure to brush fingers. 

 

Hot or cold, no in between, just a wide variety of each. He felt himself dunked and that cold, a calming, healing cold, like when he would sit by the window with Zhengting after a long day. Then, again, warmth. Different warmth again, safe, protecting. 

 

Xukun opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was Zhengting. Though uncertain and supported by Ziyi’s arm, limping from all those kicks to his ankle, Zhengting wavered over, wrapping his arms around Xukun, squeezing tightly. Xukun leaned Linong to keep from falling over. He laughed lightly, patting Zhengting’s arm and breathing heavily. 

 

“Kunkun, thank God you scream so loud. Thank God I woke back up.”

 

"Hey, Zhengting, I'm fine." Xukun smiled softly and tugged at the other's sleeve, trying to get him to loosen his grip. Zhengting just ignored him, and reached up to bonk him over the head a few times. "You shouldn't have run in like that. You're so dumb, I swear,"   
  
"I know I am. You know I am too. But at least you're fine."    
  
"Dumbass," Zhengting grumbled and loosened his embrace. "Before I know it you'll accidentally roll yourself off the roof."

 

“You’re overreacting, you were the one that got hurt though, is your head okay?”

 

“I’m fine and I would’ve been fine if you didn’t rush in.”

 

“Your ankle looks sprained.” Xukun remarked dully, gaining his footing and standing up now that he could breathe. Linong and Ziyi looked at eachother, not sure if it was time to intrude. Ziyi sent Linong a small nod. 

 

“My ankle is fi-” Zhengting was interrupted as Ziyi lifted him up. 

 

“Stop before you actually argue, we’re gonna go have some tea.”

 

Linong helped Xukun fix his shirt and walked out with him. 

 

“Bring in the dancer kids and Gui too if you see them.” Ziyi nodded and lead the four through the tavern, into a small room in the back.


	3. tainted snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kinda not very happy with this chapter? I just skimmed it again a lot of the wording is awkward,,,  
> but I don't feel like fixing it, sorry. Also the zodiac matches up with the story date and his actual zodiac but probably messes up his age oops ignore that
> 
> this is a bit short but the next chapter's pretty dramatic

Xukun and Ziyi sat together on the crate at the end of the room, while Linong and Zhengting took the bench. Ziyi and Linong were off their shift, so the four were just hanging out in the abandoned staffroom. Two lightbulbs hanging from the ceiling lit the room. Bright white beamed from the ceiling, a harsh comparison to the tavern. The floors were a light wood, like most else, and the walls were an off-white. The room was mostly just used for storage, everyone just dumped shit they thought could be useful in the future. So, there they were, perched behind a wavering stack of plastic chairs and old table top, against the wall.

 

They were having tea, Linong’s and Xukun’s cups significantly larger than the other two, and filled with honey.

 

“How do you two stand tea that sweet,” Ziyi looked down at Xukun’s cup, slightly dissapointed.

 

Xukun retorted, “How can you you stand the taste of plain grass??”

 

The two continued to bicker, and the two on the bench just blinked at each other. Luckily, at that moment, three boys barged in. Sopping wet, and looking like they’d run through a crumbling building.

 

“What the hell did you three do?” Zhengting pulled Chengcheng down next to him and handed him his tea. Justin sat down next to Chengcheng and Xiao Gui made space next to Xukun.

 

“So Gui dragged us out to run errands or whatever to the other side of the city and it started storming.” Justin piped in, stealing some of Linong’s tea. “How much honey is in this?” Linong grabbed his cup back and laughed, then in a serious voice remarked, “You better not get me sick.”

 

Everyone laughed, and Justin didn’t try to take his tea back. Chengcheng returned the cup and laid across Zhengting’s lap, with no retorts from the older. Xukun, on the other hand, hopped over Ziyi and to his other side, not wanting Gui’s wet clothing against him.

 

Ziyi sent him a look, “How considerate of you.”

 

Xukun just grinned and shrugged lightly, sipping his tea innocently. “Dump a second crate in here if it bothers you so much.” Ziyi just shook his head, messing up Xukun’s hair instead of replying. The latter frowned up at him and brushed through his hair again to part it properly. “Rude.”

 

Chengcheng frowned as he looked over Zhengting. “Did something happen?”

 

“No, nothing major.” Zhengting smiled and patted Chengcheng’s shoulder.

 

“Mhm.” He was skeptical but didn’t pry. “Well, uh, conversation topic?”

 

“Your stupidity!”

 

“I’d smack you if you weren’t so nice.” Chengcheng smiled softly and cuddled up into Zhengting.

 

"Not because I'm older?"  
  
"Nah."  
  
"You're a brat." Zhengting tentatively sipped from his cup, laughing as Chengcheng made one of his faces.  
  
The younger grinned, "Well, you raised us."

 

He got a loving slap.

 

***

Zhengting sat at the edge of his bed, and Xukun perched behind him by the wall. Yanjun lay on his back across the rest of the bed, eyes closed.

 

“Your mattress is really uncomfortable.” Yanjun turned his head, facing Zhengting.

 

Zhengting rolled his eyes, “Better than the floor.”

 

“I got an upgrade, now I get a rug.” Yanjun smiled lightly, his dimples a soft contrast against his harshly bruised cheek. He took another piece of bread from Xukun, who didn’t protest.

 

“How do you get people to fall for all your begging, especially when they’re like, drunk. Zhengting tried and got slapped.” Yanjun threw the whole piece of bread in his mouth, chewing slowly.

 

Xukun shrugged, “I ask and make big eyes. If that doesn’t work I tease until they’re distracted and steal!” he chewed his bread innocently, “Just go for girls. They’re really easy to get sympathy from. You only failed because you tried with the wrong person."

 

“Sorry, maybe I never learned because I don’t resort to eating whenever anything at all happens. I’m telling you, your metabolism is all jacked up now. That’s why you’re always cold.” Zhengting grabbed a piece of Xukun’s bread as well, raising his knee and resting his arm on top.

 

“Well then I’m cold right now.” He huffed and stole the blanket away from Zhengting, wrapping it around himself. Yanjun laughed at the two and rolled onto his side to better face both of them. This brought the window, small and with a dark mahogany frame. They could open it, just a bit. Just enough to stick a hand through. Well, they could open it sometimes. Other times it just didn’t budge at all.

 

“What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominable snowman.”

 

The other two blinked at Yanjun in confusion. “That was worse than usual,” Xukun remarked, and Zhengting nodded in agreement. “No context too.”

 

Yanjun shook his head at that, pointing at the window. “No, it’s snowing right now.”

 

Xukun turned his head first, then Zhengting turned around. “Wow, it really is. What date is it?” Xukun hopped up and to the window, opening it with much effort. He slipped a hand out, watching as the flakes melted at his fingers. It was cold outside, bitter and dry. The room has cold too, but their ‘master’ had actually brought a gas heater upstairs that year, since Beijing had gotten especially cold. Big, fluffy snowflakes fell slowly through the air, a bright contrast against the already black sky. The lights of the surrounding buildings reflected, and the flakes gleamed in the city’s evening buzz. It was pretty, incredibly so. Zhengting approached from behind, also slipping a hand through the window. Yanjun stood behind both of them, watching. Zhengting pulled his hand back, watching the snowflakes quickly melt, forming small puddles across his fingers. Even though each snowflake was unique, they were united in their beauty. Gentle and pure, they fell delicately, dancing in the air. But one touch, and they were permanently tainted. Only took one finger. They’d never revert, they couldn’t become the pristine figures they once were.

 

“February 3rd,” Yanjun stepped closer, gently pulling Xukun’s hand away from the window, and closing it. He didn’t want the two getting sick.

 

“New Year’s is in ten days, isn’t it?” Xukun responded numbly, glancing down. “I think it’s the year of the tiger.” he laughed softly, “I was born in the year of the tiger.”

 

Zhengting nodded, “Yeah, New Year’s is on the thirteenth.” He patted the youngest’s hair softly. Unlike Zhengting, who had been born into a brothel, and Yanjun, who had been a street kid, Xukun knew what it was like to have a normal life, a family, a home. And he missed it terribly, specifically missed his mother. He didn’t need to return or live with her, just wanted to see her, feel her again. His mood always went down around New Year’s and his birthday. The best memories were the most painful.

 

Yanjun coughed awkwardly, as the other two just gazed at the window. “It’s already so dark, it must be getting late.”

 

Zhengting seemed to come to, “Right, right. We should. We need to work tomorrow.” He pulled Xukun along with him, setting him on the bed.

 

“Hey, would you mind if I slept with you two for just tonight? I can sleep on the ground, I just, uh, I don’t want to be in a room alone.”

 

“Yanjun, of course. I’ll sleep on the ground, you and Xukun take the bed.” Zhengting stood up and pushed Yanjun onto the bed, settling down on the wooden boards. Xukun frowned, grabbing the new blanket from the corner of the bed and the pillow. “You’ll get sick, the floor is cold.”

 

Yanjun nodded in agreement, settling in under the older blanket with Xukun. Zhengting didn’t have energy to argue, he just curled up in the blanket and closed his eyes. Yanjun lay on his back, and Xukun curled up at his side. Soon enough, all of them fell asleep. The next day would be harder.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Also I appreciate comments a lot more than kudos and hits, not that I don't appreciate those too,, please please comment I love getting them and knowing if I got a reaction out of people :)


	4. he's just taking a forever nap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I forgot how many not scenario appropriate jokes I made hahahahaha I'm sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean, same thing as always. I assume if you read the first three chapters you'll be okay
> 
> haha like the song
> 
> you'll be okay~
> 
> I'll escort myself out it's too late for this

Linong sighed, leaning against the counter. Ziyi was restocking, Zhangjing was in the kitchen, Xiao Gui was, well, who knew what he did? Xukun and Zhengting had never gotten to finish their breakfast. It was the same bad rice porridge, but still, they needed to eat. Xukun had managed to get a couple spoonfuls in, but Zhengting hadn’t even gotten water. 

 

The tavern wasn’t very crowded, considering the strange time of day. Most of the workers just went through the entire night and slept during the start of the day, waking up around twelve. But they had gotten a sudden surge of customers that morning, mostly just the few people who actually got a break for the holidays and tourists who couldn’t find another place to eat breakfast. 

 

The man from the other day had gone to explain to their boss, specifically went to complain while drunk, so Linong was definitely worried about Zhengting and Xukun. His name was Andy. Nong wasn’t sure if he was from America or something, but he didn’t particularly care to know more about him. Linong was working there because he needed the money, but he had gotten attached to the other workers, and now he couldn’t possibly leave them. He got himself a glass of strawberry milk, and drank slowly while watching his customers eat their brunch. 

 

There was a crash from the stairs, and he almost dropped his milk. He put down his nearly untouched glass, and looked back expectantly. Soon enough, Zhengting appeared from the back, Ziyi leading him. 

 

“You good?” Linong pushed forward Zhengting’s untouched bowl.

 

Zhengting immediately started eating, humming in response. 

 

Linong turned to Ziyi instead, “Do you know what the sound was from?”

 

Ziyi shook his head, moving back behind the counter. “It wasn’t from Zhengting, I didn’t see anyone else.”

 

“Oh, okay.” He went back to drinking his milk, since no customers were arriving. He wasn’t really expecting many, considering it wasn’t even lunch time yet. 

 

There was another sound from the stairs. After a moment of silence, Ziyi and Linong both rushed back. Ziyi got there first, and when Linong arrived, he saw Ziyi kneeling down at the base of the stairs. There was a soft tinkering at his feet. A glass bottle, well, the neck of it, nearly completely shattered, came to a soft stopping point in front of his foot. 

 

“Linong, come here.” He could see Ziyi moving, but couldn’t make much out in the dark. As he walked up, he didn’t know if he wanted to punch the wall or cry. There was Xukun, small in Ziyi’s arms. Eyes screwed shut and biting down on his lip intensely. There was some gashing on his face, on his forehead and jaw, but it really got bad as Linong looked down. Xukun had a shirt, not looking to be his own, haphazardly thrown on him, so Linong couldn’t see his torso, but there were cuts all up his forearms, and a few deep gashes at his collarbones, where the shirt trailed down.

 

“What.. what happened?” Linong mumbled quietly, gently wiping the tears from Xukun’s cheeks with the side of his thumb. 

 

“I don’t know, I only saw him tumble down the stairs. I don’t think he’s completely to.”

 

Xukun flinched away from his hand, letting out a small noise. “I can see. Why the hell would someone hurt him this badly?” 

 

Ziyi just shook his head, carefully lifting Xukun and bringing them back to the front room. Luckily the tourists had left, so now it was just the few locals, and they knew what went on behind the scenes. Linong helped lay Xukun down on the bench behind the bar, then sat down next to his head. Ziyi left to get medical shit, and Zhengting quickly ran up. Nong sighed deeply, slowly dragging his fingers through Xukun’s hair. 

 

“What the fuck? Nong explain.” Zhengting held Xukun’s hand tightly, eyes looking over him intently. 

 

“We don’t know, he’s unconci-” Linong was interrupted by heavy footsteps, coming from behind them. He quickly stood up, walking to the side of the bar nearest to the staircase. After a few seconds, a man appeared from around the corner. He was tall, around the same height as Linong, but wider. His hair was shortly cropped, and his attire was formal. He’d look like the model gentleman, if it weren’t for his eyes. Dark and cold, small but blazing. Those eyes, terrifying eyes, fell upon Linong. He approached slowly, and Linong kept still. He couldn’t think of what to do, yet his mind was moving six hundred miles an hour. Moving to fast for him to keep up with.

 

A few footsteps, painfully long, and the man was in front of him. “Hey. Give me the kid. I have at least another hour with him, don’t I?”

 

He gritted his teeth, trying not to do something he’d regret. “Sir, I’d request you leave.”   
  


“Cute and all that y’all protect the slut, but I paid.” He shoved Linong aside with his shoulder, and that’s when he snapped. Adrenaline spread through him, vision blurring, going red. Roughly pulling the man back, he turned him around to land a sharp swing. The man wasted no time, kicking the other’s leg, slamming his head against the tabletop as he stumbled. 

 

Pain shot through his skull, down to his spine, but with the energy left, he slammed the man to the wall and kneed him in the jaw. There was a sickening crack, a thump as the man fell, then nothing. Linong gained his balance, leaning heavily against the table. He hesitantly glanced back. 

 

“Nongnong..” Xukun’s voice was quiet. He was sitting up, Ziyi keeping him from falling over and Zhengting sitting next to him, just as shocked. “Linong,” he choked as he started to cry again, moving his hand to beckon the other. Linong moved up, lifting the smaller boy up into a tight hug. He could hear Xukun muttering his name through near silent sobs, and it broke his heart. But he didn’t regret anything. He softly rocked Xukun back and forth, waiting for him to calm down. 

 

***

 

Zhengting and Ziyi had gotten themselves and Xukun some tea. They were now attempting to calm the kid down, which was hard to do in a cramped storage room with a dead body. 

 

Zhengting was trying to get him to breathe properly, while Ziyi was just combing a hand through his hair. Nong had left them, going out to find a suspiciously large potato sack. 

 

“It’s okay, it’s okay, he’s just taking a forever nap.”

 

“ZHENGTING I’M NOT SIX.” he clasped his cross between his hands, mostly out of habit, mumbling something vaguely similar to,  _ ‘please dear lord’  _  and  _ ‘it’s not real _ .’

 

“Hey Zhengting, I think he’s broken.”

 

“Yes, I can see. Just give me your first aid shit, I’ll at least handle that.”

 

Ziyi nodded and stood up, quickly getting it from behind the bar. Just as he walked back in, Linong did as well. Xukun was genuinely terrified. The soft guy who gave him strawberry milk everyday just casually killed someone. He curled up against the wall, shielded by Zhengting, and refused to look up from his hands as Linong gathered the man, and went off to do Satan knows what. After a few minutes, Ziyi calmly pulled Xukun back. 

 

“Hush, it’s alright. I don’t think the guy’s actually dead anyways, just has a bad concussion or something.” He smiled at Xukun, stroking the back of his hand to calm him down while he pulled out some gauze pads. He drizzled some alcohol down on the fabric. 

 

“Tilt your head back and hold on, this is gonna hurt like hell.”

 

Xukun just silently nodded and obeyed. He was relaxing, but still reached to grab Zhengting’s hand tightly. Ziyi locked eyes with Zhengting, who just shrugged it off. He started to gently dab at the gashes on Xukun’s face, then moved down to his torso and arms. After much angry hissing and frustratingly slow dabbing, he was done, and had started bandaging everything.

 

“So is there no possible way you guys could get a break? Just a day off?” Ziyi pulled Xukun into a hug, laughing when he squirmed. 

 

“Both of us still need to work the whole night anyways, once it actually gets crowded.” 

  
"And, speaking of which, we really do need to go get to work, the sun's already setting. And you, Ziyi, have a long shift this evening."   
  
Ziyi blinked at Zhengting, glancing out into the tavern area. "Do you know my schedule??"   
  
"I know everyone's schedule!"    
  
"He's a control freak." Xukun commented blandly, biting the side of his thumb out of habit.   
  
"Shut the fuck up and finish your tea," he pulled Xukun's hand down, "And don't do that you'll get sick."    
  
He rolled his eyes but took his tea, chugging it all down. "Good?"   
  
"Good." He pulled Xukun into a tight hug. "Now go before you get in trouble. Stay safe and don't go doing something dumb."   
  
"I'll be fine, bye Zhengting." He squeezed Zhengting then let his arms drop. Xukun smiled at him lightly before heading out.

***

Xiao Gui stood outside the kitchen with a mop, watching Linong drag a suspiciously shaped potato sack away. “What the fuck dude? Everyday there’s something new and I always have to clean everything up. You better have beat that guy outside, I don’t need to clean up more suspicious red stains.” Gui  marched away with his mop, everyone staring at him in confusion. 

“He cares more about the floors than possible murder?” Zhengting looked around, then up at Ziyi.

“I think he’s seen so much weird shit he’s desensitized, ignore him.” Ziyi stood up and ran after Xiao Gui, leaving Xukun and Zhengting in silent dubiety. 

.

Linong dragged the potato sack out behind the building, leaving the guy in the back to wake up in the street (maybe, hopefully, probably not). 

Xiao Gui had followed behind him, just curious. “Holy fuck dude, what did you even do?” 

“Well uh, he, um, was really hurting Kun, and I sort of snapped.” Linong laughed nervously, dumping the sack by the wall.    
  


Xiao Gui blinked, pressing off the wall to stand straight. 

“Dude, that’s kind of hot.”


	5. you really have no shame left

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoy Ziyi in this story. Don't know why, but I do. Xukun's actually a bit of a lovable brat, I don't know if I made him too much of a crybaby earlier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm catching up on my supply of chapters really quick, I need to start writing quicker oh gosh
> 
> btw I don't really edit sorry

“I don’t care if it’s ‘self defense,’ you aren’t excused.”

 

Linong stood in Andy’s room. His boss was actually shorter than him, but he was still intimidating.

 

“Well, he doesn’t have any family that cares enough about him to raise a problem.” he sounded too nervous, his voice was betraying him.

 

Andy took steady steps forward, his voice almost mocking. “Well what if it did cause a problem? We couldn’t have that, now could we? You still need consequence.” He now had Linong up against the wall. Nong didn’t want to lose his job, so he couldn’t just punch him like he would anyone else.

 

“Mm, I know something.” He placed a heavy hand onto Linong’s shoulder, pushing him down onto his knees. “Ever heard the expression, ‘sucking up?’”

 

“I’m a bartender, not a prostitute.”

 

“Doesn’t matter. You still look twinky enough.”

 

He quickly pushed Andy’s hand away, standing up and pushing him aside to get away from his clutch. “I will work overtime this entire week, okay? I’ll even work for free just let it go.”

 

Andy smirked at that, “Okay kid, but you’re getting a lot of overtime.”

 

***

 

Zhangjing helped Yanjun sit down in his kitchen. He checked on whatever was in his pots, then sat down on the bench next to Yanjun. “So, uh, how was your day?”

 

Yanjun sent him a look, and he got the cue to shut up, standing up to grab a mandarin orange from a box by the door. He peeled it quickly, then looked back up at Yanjun. “Not in the mood to talk?”

 

“Mhm.”

 

Zhangjing nodded and took a slice of the mandarin, prodding it into Yanjun’s lips. “If you won’t talk, eat.”

 

He lamely ate the slice, and let Zhangjing feed him the rest while he stared off.

 

“Yanjun, please say something. Go on one of your angry rants.” He pressured on softly, leaning into his side.

 

“Sorry,” his voice was soft, but lacked any sincerity.Yanjun wrapped an arm around Zhangjing and pulled him into a tight hug. He rested his chin on Zhangjing’s head while taking slow breaths, not making a sound.

 

“Just.. I don’t have much energy today.” He nuzzled his face into Zhangjing’s hair. It was a frizzy, wavy mess, but it was soft.

 

Zhangjing held onto Yanjun’s hand and let himself be the teddy bear, curling up in Yanjun’s chest. Yanjun gripped him harder, and he felt sobs wrack through the taller’s torso, tears in his hair.

 

“Zhangjing,” he was stammering, incoherent syllables and sounds escaping his lips as he tried to form words, “Don’t ever leave me. Please, I-I couldn’t take it without you.” He cried even harder, and Zhangjing couldn’t help but feel tears forming in his own eyes. The kid had that effect on him.

 

“Yanjun, I’m here. _Good world_ , I’ll always be here.”

 

Yanjun choked through his heavy sobbing, holding Zhangjing closer than either thought possible. “I love you,” he sniffed, still struggling to talk. He was trying to collect himself, but broke down again as he spoke. _“I love you so much.”_

 

Zhangjing looked up at him, and Yanjun took deep breaths, counting each one pitifully. Zhangjing’s heart ached, seeing him so torn up. He slowly leaned up, meeting Yanjun’s lips with his own. It was hesitant, but soon turned soft. Zhangjing absolutely melted when Yanjun responded, slowly moving his lips, leaning in and tilting his head.

 

It took them a few minutes to finally break away, but even that was sweet, calm.

 

“Yanjun, you will always have me.” Zhangjing smiled softly, wrapping his arms around Yanjun.

 

***

 

Ziyi was washing dishes in the back. He had worked through the night, so it was now morning. Xukun had come down for food after his shift, but ended up falling asleep at the counter. Ziyi didn’t touch him, choosing to just let him sleep. Yanjun had gotten a cup of tea and headed up to his room. Zhengting was the only one who had yet to come down.

 

Now Linong, Ziyi just had no fucking clue where he was, and he felt more annoyance than worry.

 

All of his questions were answered when he heard a loud thump, and a quiet, “Oh shit.” Zhengting’s voice, of course.

 

Ziyi dried his hands off on his pants and walked into the tavern. Linong had somehow appeared. He was showing off to some random tourist, mixing a drink. Zhengting had recently come down, Ziyi could tell because his hair was still damp from a shower, and he was dragging a startled looking Xukun up off the floor.

 

“What the hell?”

 

Zhengting quickly explained, “I surprised him from behind and he fell out of his chair.” Xukun hopped back onto the stool, and Zhengting sat down next to him. Linong just grinned and waved at Ziyi, before returning to work.

 

“Okay well, welcome back. I need to finish washing the dishes, do you want something to eat? Sorry Xukun, I know you asked but you fell asleep.”

 

“No no! I was tired, just feed us now.” Xukun smiled at the mention of food, and Zhengting just laughed, hitting the back of his head. “Manners?”

 

“Feed us or I’ll get angry. Please.” He tilted his head, blinking quickly and setting a pair of wide, begging eyes on Ziyi.

 

“Is pleading your only life skill?” Zhengting pondered, taking the bowl of porridge Ziyi slid to him.

 

“No, I- well, yes, but it’s useful.” Xukun took his own bowl, grabbing chopsticks and just scarfing everything down.

 

Zhengting shook his head, eating at a steady pace while he watched the younger. “Don’t eat so fast, you’re gonna choke.”

 

“I’ll be choking anyways, better to do it on food.”

 

“Xukun!”

 

“Hm?” He didn’t even look up, continuing to eat innocently.

 

Ziyi didn’t know if he should laugh, or just be disappointed. “My shift is ending, you two should go sleep while you can, the sun is already rising.” Xukun looked back, and nodded.

 

Linong, who had now finished showing off, walked up next to Ziyi. “Are you clocking out too?”

 

Nong shook his head, “Nah, I’m gonna be working overtime for a bit.”

 

Ziyi noticed the way Xukun cowered away from Linong when the latter approached, and how stupidly oblivious Linong was to it.

 

“Then let’s talk. Come on.” He pulled Nongnong into the back room, going to finish washing the dishes while they talked.

 

“So, um, talk about what?”

 

“Kunkun. He’s been positively terrified of you.”

 

“What? No he hasn-”

 

Ziyi sighed earnestly, and interrupted, “Don’t argue bro.”

 

“You scared him, almost killing, hopefully just almost, the guy was not the way to go.” He sighed, drying the dish on the rag. Linong moved next to him to help out with the chore.

 

“Okay, okay. I’ll talk to him, is that fine?”

 

.

 

In the tavern, Zhengting and Xukun were casually talking. Not about anything particular, just, well, things.

 

Xukun ate slowly, and listened as Zhengting passed on a story Chengcheng had told him the other day. Who knew a bird the size of a fist could cause so much chaos? He was about to laugh, but then he felt a firm hand on his shoulder.

 

“Kid, we need to talk.”

Turning his head slowly, Xukun met Andy’s eyes. His boss didn’t look angry, just frustrated. Xukun was hopeful.

 

“I, okay.” He climbed down slowly, ignoring the stern look Zhengting sent him.

 

“Sir, he needs to slee-”

 

Andy cut him off quickly, “He can sleep later this week.” The statement was concrete, so Zhengting didn’t bother arguing. He let out a sigh, and after some time, went upstairs to sleep.

 

Ziyi, for whatever reason, couldn’t bring himself to leave without knowing Xukun was alright. It seemed Linong was going to be cooped up in the tavern for at least a week, so what was the problem in accompanying him for just a few hours longer.

 

Fortunately for Ziyi, it didn’t take very long at all, and the younger boy was back soon.

 

“How’d that go?” He barely bothered to look up, continuing to wipe off the table.

 

“I have to do chores and shit for three days or something and he’s not gonna let me eat,” he groaned and rested his head on the table pathetically.

 

Ziyi looked up at him, brows furrowed. “Really? How’d you get off so easy?”

 

“Easy? I need my calories.”

 

“You’ll be fine.” He walked back to the supply room and grabbed a broom and dustpan to hand over to Xukun. “But seriously, Zhengting got much worse when he screwed up last year, how’d you manage.”

 

The younger grinned, sliding his lips over his index finger suggestively and peering up at Ziyi. The latter promptly chucked the broom at him.

 

“Nevermind, you really have no shame left.”

 

Xukun picked up the broom and shrugged, “Is that a bad thing? Works in my favor.”

 

Grabbing his jacket off the bench in the back, Ziyi headed out. He ruffled Xukun’s hair as he walked past. “I’m heading out now, take care. I get the feeling Nongnong’s gonna be around for a while, if you need anything just ask him.” He watched Xukun frown, glancing over towards Linong, who was fixing the chair set up. “I talked to him, don’t worry.” Ziyi slid the door open gently, waving back. “Have fun.” He heard Xukun throw a disarray of curses, but chose to ignore them.

 

Xukun, with a heavy groan, started to sweep up the tavern. He had heard Ziyi, but still kept as far from Linong as possible. It was ridiculous, he knew Nong was really a sweetheart, yet he remained wary. After sweeping up, he really didn’t know what else to do. It was still early, and he was still far too tired to be working. Xukun carefully approached the bar. Maybe he could get tea or something, he needed some caffeine.

 

“Hey..” his voice was quieter than he would have liked, but what could he do about it? “Uh, what should I do next?”

 

Linong looked up from the glass he was cleaning, he hadn’t even noticed Xukun walking up. “Ummm,” He looked around, then at the boy in front of him.

 

“Just sleep. I’ll wake you up in an hour or two, you can clean the windows or something.”

 

Xukun had no energy or will to argue. He shuffled around to the back and collapsed under the bench.

 

Linong woke him an hour or two later, he wasn’t really sure, but the sun had actually come up by then. He rolled out from under the bench, then sat up slowly. He could vaguely make out his surroundings, but his mind was foggy. He had never been a morning person in general, and waking up after only a couple hours of sleep wasn’t doing him much good. Xukun clenched his eyes shut, then blinked a few times, coming to slowly.

 

“Do you want tea? I found white if you want caffeine.”

 

He perked up at the mention of caffeine, nodding enthusiastically and standing up. He ended up drinking it so fast, he actually choked. But at least he choked with energy. Linong was forced to assist a writhing Xukun, shaking him violently. Of course, in his typical unlucky fashion, Linong just ended up hurting him more. Which is why they were in the current situation, hours later. Xukun was finishing mopping up, sticking to the corners furthest from Linong. The latter kept sending him sad, apologetic smiles, but he was neither pliant or forgiving enough to let it go that easy. He did everything clients told him to do. Some of those things made his stomach wrench. Xukun was completely done with doing what he was told, but it wasn’t like he could lash out. What could he do? Kill himself? That would barely do anything, and he was certain not even the kindest saints would let him into heaven.

 

He was stirred from his mildly existential thoughts by a group of men. Well, young adults. They barely looked over twenty. They really just looked like jerks. Probably some of those rich brats that acted like street kids. Plain pricks.

 

A bitterly cold, soap-smelling splash made him look up. “Oh, didn’t see you. Sorry.” The statement was utterly unapologetic. In fact, there was no way he could have accidentally knocked the bucket over. His apology was more mocking than anything, the guy even had the audacity to shove him back down as he walked past. Xukun was on the ground, sopping wet and biting his tongue to keep himself quiet. He waited for the entire group to go to the front before standing up. After mopping up the spilled water, he shuffled around to the back room, discarding the bucket and mop.

 

“Ten,” a breath, “nine,” a breath, “eight,” a breath, “seven,” a breath, and on it went. It was an elementary method. One most kids stopped using after they were eight. But Xukun still found it calming, long, deep breaths with the secure, certainty of numbers. He was dumb, and wasn’t particularly good at anything besides pulling pitiful expressions and being thrown around by clients. All he had was an attractive face. Of course, did he need much more?

 

_“Look pretty, it’s better for business.”_

 

His depressing thoughts were becoming a pain.

 

Xukun ran upstairs quickly, throwing on a different shirt. Linong met him at the bottom steps when he hopped back down, with a soft smile on his lips. To him, the smile just looked unnerving. His smile, cute demeanor, violent urges, Linong was just a big contradiction and Xukun hated it.

 

“Uh, hey. Linong.”

 

“Why’d you change?” He asked, voice stoic. Linong looked tired. Xukun couldn’t help but feel a little bad for him. Those eyes just made him melt.  
  
“I managed to get splashed. I don’t want to get sick.”

 

The taller simply nodded. “You just need to wash the windows, then you’re probably starting actual work.”

 

With a curt nod from Xukun and a curt nod from Nong, they parted.

 

Washing the windows took a shorter time than expected. He had ended up just sitting around for a bit. People were crowding in, so there wasn’t much he could do now.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for getting through this uwu  
> Please comment if you have anything at all to say! I honest to god really enjoy reading them. But If you don't want to, that's fine to, I get it. (I love kudos too heh ;) )
> 
> since zhengjunkun can't keep tips, tip me in attention instead <3


	6. shame. you're all so pretty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lol what's proofreading

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh yeah so I've run out of my pages written in advance, oops  
> updates may be further apart now, sorry I'm not a good writer

“Mm. How old are you?”

 

“Eighteen,” he mumbled smoothly, pressing into the man’s chest. Andy had saw that he had nothing to do, so just made him flirt around a little with a customer beforehand. He actually didn’t mind it much, and the man was relatively nice.

 

The guy laughed, voice deep and booming. He pinched Xukun’s cheek, moving his head back and forth a few times. “Barely an adult.”

 

He hummed a response, pouting and pulling at the man’s arm until he let go.

 

“Funny whore,” the reached for his drink, and Kun spotted Zhengting appearing from the stairs. He sent a small wave. Zhengting looked ready to laugh at him, and in turn, Xukun was ready to slap him.

 

He shifted in the guy’s lap, eyes following Zhengting as he sat down at the bar.

 

“So, how long have you been working here?” Even though his voice was steady, the man’s entire demeanor was awkward. Xukun presumed he was the type who just got dragged along by someone, he didn’t seem into the place.

 

“Mm, five years.” He pressed a soft kiss to the top of his neck, sighing and closing his eyes. Even with the nap, he was hella tired.

 

He only heard silence from the man, and wondered if he should have lied, but relaxed when he felt a hand at the back of his head. “That’s too young. Is that normal?”

 

“Mhm.” He rested his chin on the man’s shoulder, eyes closed.

 

“Shame. You’re all so pretty.”

 

***

 

Xukun had finished before Zhengting. This wasn’t uncommon, it was a half and half chance. But he hadn’t expected to find Zhengting a few hours later, hunched over in the bathroom. When Xukun had found him, he was just coughing up blood. His body shook violently with each lurch. Deathly pale and sobbing, he was at his worst.

 

Of course, he didn’t know what to do. How could anyone know what to do? Xukun couldn’t offer any actual help, and his lips refused to part. He was just silently staring. At some point, Zhengting did stop, breathing hard and leaned up against the wall.

 

“Are you okay?” Xukun kneeled down next to him.

 

Zhengting looked up. He hadn’t even noticed the kid there. “I’m fine.” He really wasn’t. His breathing was uneven and his throat was raw and stinging, voice ragged.

 

“I’ll go get some water, alright?”

 

He just nodded lightly, feeling dazed. Zhengting couldn’t do anything but stare at the wall until Xukun came back. He couldn’t even properly think, what was there to think about?

 

The younger scampered back after a few minutes. He sat down, firmly grasping the glass. He tilted Zhengting’s head back gently, holding the glass up to his chapped lips. Zhengting didn’t have any energy left to react. He just stared blankly at the cracked plaster of the wall, sinking into the cold sensation of the glass to his lips. Water slowly made its way down his raw throat, blanketing the pain in a soothing chill.

 

After another deep breath, he had mostly calmed down. “Thank you.” His voice was low and breathy.

 

“Are you sick or overworked?” Xukun simply dropped the glass, letting it roll down to the door. His voice was equally low in volume, barely. He loved Zhengting, but if he was at all contagious, they were both screwed.

 

Zhengting shook his head, eyes moving down in an evident struggle to stay awake. “No, don’t worry, I just had a hard day.”

 

With a grim nod, Xukun walked Zhengting to their room. He knew he should’ve been back to work half an hour ago, but who could bring themselves to leave a pained Zhengting? The taller sat down slowly, still in a daze. Zhengting’s head was spinning, sharp pain coming in waves from his temples. The only thing that distracted him from his scrambled thoughts was the warm embrace of the other. They stayed like that for a few minutes, Zhengting leaned against the wall and Xukun hugging him tightly.

 

“Kunkun, you need to go.” He forced a small smile, patting the younger’s arm. The latter only pressed his face further into Zhengting’s shoulder, humming in reply.

 

“I know I do. Will you be okay?”

 

“I just need sleep. Go on, you’ve probably already earned a beating.”

 

Like always, Zhengting was right. He always seemed to know best. Zhengting was shattered, they were all in shreds. He was pushed so far, torn down so much, yet always stayed Zhu Zhengting. His shreds were puzzle pieces. At first glance, you could only see parts,  seemingly insignificant details. But put together, every insignificant component worked with another, and another, and many others, creating something much more beautiful than insignificant chunks of a person.

 

 Maybe to others, their existence was insignificant.

What were brothel prostitutes doing for the society?

 However, they were the world to each other. The only parts of their little world they wanted to acknowledge. Whatever Xukun, Yanjun, or anyone else with them faced, Zhengting faced it to. He’d always be there, keeping them grounded. Zhu Zhengting was beautiful indeed, even ideal. The only problem, he was born in the wrong circumstance. In the wrong place, the wrong time, to the wrong mother, And now, there was no way out of this ‘wrong circumstance.’

 

Xukun left a soft kiss on his cheek, muttering a “stay safe” before running down the stairs.

 

“You know there’s non-stale bread too.”

 

Xukun rolled his eyes at Yanjun, as if it were the dumbest question ever. And it really wasn’t, who knew with Xukun. “Yeah but if it’s harder to eat, I eat it for longer, so I feel like I’m eating more.

 

“Zhangjing literally feeds that to the stray dogs outside.”

 

He chewed his stale-ass bread thoughtfully,”Well I’d make a very cute stray dog.”

 

“Just accept it, he’ll never change.”

They all looked up at Zhengting, who had just come down. He still looked sick as hell, and his voice was rugged, but he looked better than he had before. Xukun had already had a customer, and Yanjun had probably had one, maybe two from how annoyed he looked. Zhengting typically started later on Fridays but ended later into the morning.

 

“Zhengzheng!”

 

“Don’t talk with your mouth full.” He sat down by Yanjun, leaning his head onto the table. “Aren’t you supposed to be doing chores, anyways?”

 

Xukun blinked, biting into the crust. “Oh yeah that’s right. Hey Ziyi wanna do some of my chores for me?” Xukun made big eyes up at Ziyi, lashes fluttering innocently.

 

Ziyi, on the other hand, had been busy trying to ignore their dumb banter. “No.”

 

“Please?”

 

The older sighed, putting the pitcher he held down. “Okay, give me a second.” Yanjun looked like he was trying not to laugh, and Zhengting looked lovingly disappointed in everyone.

 

Ziyi came back a few moments later with a small pamphlet, just red and black characters on yellowed paper. He dangled it in Xukun’s face tauntingly, smiling softly. “Alright, I can do them if you just read this. Easy Kunkun, right?”

 

Xukun stared up at him, looking hurt. “Ziyi that’s a really low blow.” He slapped the other boy’s hand out of his face, faking a melodramatic sob. “Now I have to do my own chores!”

 

“Mhm. Too bad you’re an uneducated brat.” Ziyi smiled sweetly, as if that would shield the hurt, and went back

 

“I thought you were the nice one!”

 

Ziyi turned back to respond, “Go cry to Linong.”

 

“Ziyiiiiii,” He whined in response, resting the side of his head on the tabletop and looking at the empty space behind the bar.

 

“I swear you acted older two years ago,” the standing muttered and walked to the door.

 

Zhengting had been busy stuffing himself with food, who knew when he could sit down and eat again, after all. But, he had been listening to the conversation. “He started aging backwards after sixteen, let him be. He gets himself drugged up every week anyways.”

 

“I do not.” Xukun retorted, sitting back up.

 

“I’m sure you’ll find a way by next Wednesday. Now I think we need to get upstairs.”

 

Xukun frowned and looked back to see one of the clerks knocking on the doorframe. Of course, the door from the tavern didn’t lead directly to the street, that would be too easy. The actual entrance was a narrow hallway, making it insanely easy for someone to always be watching the door.

 

“See.” Zhengting, who always seemed to take the initiative, put his chopsticks down neatly. He nodded at the worker and tugged Xukun down with him as he hopped down from his chair. Yanjun followed close behind, and Zhengting led them all upstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does anyone want a zikun one-shot with a similar concept because I've suddenly been hit with inspiration  
> i will take silence as either a yes or no depending on my mood btw
> 
> anyways remember that I love comments  
> but you can pay me in general attention too!


	7. so you really can't do anything but this, huh?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ah, ah, sorry I know this is short, but I really wanted this to be an individual chapter. It's been like a week, please forgive me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a bit of a look at xukun, again. I've got some zhangjun coming up though

Xukun sat at the head of the bed, head leaned against the wooden framing. Insanely comfortable compared to his own bed. Soft silver silk scrunched up beneath his fingers as he felt the fabric. The room smelled of sex and too strong incense, the syrupy aroma of which he had come to find sickening. He could only vaguely remember his bed back home, in a small room next to his mother’s in their small house in the country. It always smelled too much like the field’s outside, minimally organized with a messy wardrobe and rickety table, a variety of supplies simply pushed to the edges to make room. 

 

The sheets there weren’t the softest, but they were warm, and smelled like the house. The gentle, weathered pink of his blanket had always calmed him down after a tiresome day. It had once been a rich red, but faded over the long years. The rosary always hanging off his window would constantly remind him that he was safe. What was keeping him safe now? The wooden cross brushing against the hem of his shirt used to bring him hope, but it had turned into a painful reminder that not even his god would dare look into his life now. 

 

Even so, his faith was the only thing anchoring him to his home. A home he could barely remember, through the mist of too many red pills, filled with heroin. When he had first gotten to the brothel, it was overwhelming. So much had been shoved into him, to keep him tame, docile. Xukun had been hopelessly hooked at one point, but now he could get along fine, only getting doped up when it was forced on him. Even if he was spilling over with sin, he was never gonna give up his quivering faith. A last uncut string to an ideal of “home.”

 

He heard the door creak open, but he barely had the energy to glance up. He was tired, exhausted. He was feuling over two days with a few hours of sleep, stale bread, and a cup of tea. Xukun was sure this exhaustion showed, with heavy, unfocused eyes, pale skin, and dry lips. 

 

His black eyes stay focused on the grey sheets, but his ears followed the footsteps, almost subconsciously, picking up on even the smallest creaks of the floorboards. The bed shifted with new weight, and he finally looked up. 

 

“Good evening.”

 

He could laugh. No, it was not a good evening. “Mhm.” Xukun sat up, blinking his eyes open. 

 

The man looked pretty young, probably in his mid-twenties or so. His stare was cold, but with a hint of compassion. “You look tired. Let’s just get this over with quickly, I’m sure neither of us really wants to be here.”’

 

“I can do whatever you request, sir.”

 

And indeed, he kept to his word, keeping things quick and easy for Xukun. 

 

There was a heavy silence afterwards. The man still had plenty of time with him, after all. “Do you want a candy?”

 

Xukun just stared at him incredulously. He had sensed the guy’s awkwardness before, but asking a whore if he wanted candy was past the point of unfathomable. “I- what?”

 

“Well I was just wondering. You seem hungry.”

 

He shook his head violently, “No no no, I’m not declining, I’m just..” he couldn’t seem to find the right word. 

 

The man started to laugh, cackle even. Suddenly enough to make the boy jump back. The older reached over to his bag on the side table, pulling out a fairly sized candy in a white and green wrapper. He tossed it over at Xukun, who promptly failed to catch it, but still grabbed it off the sheets. He wrapped it immediately, but ate slowly as possible, He wanted to savor it. To his frustration, the man seemed much more interested now than when he was fucking Xukun. 

 

“Are you that hungry?”

 

“Yes,” he answered promptly, chewing on the taffy.

 

“Well when did you eat last?”

 

“Right before you.” 

 

The man nodded, “Well you didn’t eat much, did you?” 

 

“Mhm. You can leave now, y’know.” Xukun had gotten through a good half of the candy.

 

“Oh? Would you rather take another man?”

 

He blinked, taking a moment to catch up in his dazed state. “..no, stay.”

 

“Well aren’t you smart.” He looked down now, buttoning his shirt. 

 

“Well if you’re gonna mock me maybe you can leave.”

 

“You’d be getting worse than mocking if I left.”

 

Xukun slumped in defeat, dragging the covers up to his chin and watching silently. The man rummaged back through the bag, pulling out a thin newspaper. “Do you have a clue what’ happening recently? I suppose you don’t go out much.”

 

He shook his head. “Anything big happen recently?”

 

The man shook his head. “No, not really. But the commies are getting riled up, I bet something will soon.”

 

Xukun’s mouth formed a silent “oh,” and he sat up.

 

“You can read along, but nothing’s really happening. It’s mostly nonsense.”

 

He laughed quietly,  shaking his head. “I can’t read anyways.” 

 

“You really can’t?”

 

The elder frowned, “When did you start working here?”

 

Xukun shrugged, mildly embarrassed. He did have some shame, after all.  “When I was thirteen, going on fourteen. But I didn’t really need to read before that.”

 

He reached out to brush through the youngers hair, and Xukun leaned in to the touch for a moment, before realizing who it was. The man just seemed amused. “That’s way too early… who the hell wants to fuck a kid that young?”

 

“I- I don’t know..”

 

“So you really can’t do anything but this, huh?”

 

His gaze sharpened, and he bit his lip. “Excuse me?” Xukun really could never learn how to stay silent, it was always his sharp tongue that got him into trouble. Five years and he still couldn’t stay completely docile.

 

“Sorry, sorry, I just kind of enjoy it when you get a bit riled up. I’ve had you a few times, you probably don’t remember. The excessively submissive act kind of irks me. Today’s the first time I’ve seen you act human.”

 

“Ah, ah, okay.” He tucked the bottom half of his face into the blanket. He really wouldn’t want a customer seeing him smile at something like that. 

 

A few peaceful minutes followed as his client made his way through the text. Xukun watched him with drowsy eyes, leaning his head back against the wall. In all honesty, he was very ready to fall asleep then and there. 

 

“Need more sugar before you fall asleep?”

 

He jumped up, “Hu- oh, yes, please.”

 

The man threw over another candy. This time, he ate it almost immediately, not bothering to take his time. “Thank you.”

 

“Mhm. I think I do have to go now. Best of luck, yeah?” 

 

Xukun nodded slowly, sitting back up. He watched as the man put himself back together, then headed out through the door. “Thank you for your visit.”

 

“Thank you for your service.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to al my readers ksjkjsk how'd you get this far with my shitty writing
> 
> anyways I'm also working on the zikun oneshot since I thought of a really interesting little storyline haha  
> though i still keep getting distracted
> 
> I accept tips of kudos and especially comments, thanks!  
> but if you dont wanna that's fine too :')


	8. you're strong, make sure you remember that

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> heh enjoy some zhangjun fluff, it's been a while

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my last chapter got like no attention did i do something wrong im scared. yall spoiled me too much earlier and now im paranoid help me
> 
> sorry if my updates are further apart keep in mind that even if it's summer im quite busy recently :''')

 

Zhangjing had been waiting downstairs for a bit. He was usually pretty patient, willing to wait for Yanjun to get down when he was ready, but it had easily been an hour and he had nothing left to do around the tavern. 

 

“Hey Nong, I’m gonna just go ahead up. Keep everything in check for a bit.”

 

Linong just nodded vaguely, his eyes watching the glass cup he was sliding up and down the tabletop. He had been like that recently, a bit distant and sad. Zhangjing had already decided not to meddle, he was sure Nong would figure it out.

 

So, he grabbed a few mandarins from his kitchen and jogged upstairs. Yanjun’s previous customer had already left, so he had probably just fallen asleep right after. They were all still human above everything. Even their boss really didn’t discuss those kinds of things, he was relatively chill as long as he got his money. 

 

Zhangjing had always been particularly un-fond of the second floor. It was too dark, the walls were too thin, and it smelled too strongly of sex. Barely disguised by the cheap herbs stuffed into the mattress folds.

 

It was all too, too much for him. It was too much every time. Unfamiliar faces pushing past him, more familiar ones stumbling into him. All raw screams, heavy breathing. He found Yanjun’s room eventually, though not fast enough to avoid hearing Zhengting’s muffled, sore gasping as he got jackhammered into a mattress. Yanjun laid there, his hair disheveled and barely half dressed, hastily cleaned covers pulled up lazily. Indeed, he had fallen asleep. 

 

Zhangjing sat himself down beside his worn body, gently prodding at his shoulder. It didn’t take much to wake Yanjun, he wasn’t a heavy sleeper. Yanjun’s lips parted with a quiet groan, weak mumblings of “sorry sir” and “just a moment.”

 

“Yanjun, it’s me. Wake your ass up.”

 

“Nngh, Zhangjiiing, I’m tired.”

 

The cook only smiled softly, gripping Yanjun by the arm and heaving him up, leaving his back to rest against the backboard. He quickly peeled one of the mandarins he had grabbed, shoving a slice between Yanjun’s lips. “You’ll be more than tired after you go another three rounds without eating.”

 

The latter nodded slowly, complying quickly. He wasn’t a soft person but he trusted Zhangjing to keep care of him. 

 

Zhangjing had gotten through a mandarin and a half when he decided to start talking again. Though, he didn’t stop pushing the slices into Yanjun’s mouth. “Hard day?”

 

The latter shook his head, grunting quietly in denial. “Normal. ‘m just tired.”

 

“I see.” Zhangjing dropped the mandarin peels into the small bin under the table, half-full with junk he really didn’t want to look at. “Have you written to your grandmother recently? How is she?”

 

Yanjun smiled fondly at the mention of his grandmother, looking up at Zhangjing. “Mhm. She’s been fine. She’s living well out in the country. Keeping track of her farm.”

 

“Good, good.” He dragged his hand down Yanjun’s arm, gently taking his hand and intertwining their fingers. Zhangjing used his other hand to adjust the boy’s shirt, making sure it actually covered him up. 

 

“Zhangjiiing,” Yanjun whined quietly, blinking up at him drunkedly. 

 

“Whaaaat,” Zhangjing matched his tone playfully, slapping his shoulder. Not enough to actually hurt him, of course. 

 

“You’re too sweet. Too good to me. Especially in my position. You’re really so far above me.” Yanjun’s voice was still slurred. He was typically pretty quiet, never someone to speak unless spoken to. And even then, his responses were basic and short. But sometimes, he’d have a day where he could just ramble on and on. Incoherent and messy, but sweet.

 

He grinned, pecking Yanjun on the cheek. “Because you deserve it. You deserve so much more, actually. I’m just doing the best I can for now, yeah?” 

 

Yanjun let a soft sigh slip, his eyes fluttering closed. “I really don’t. But god, you make me feel like it.” He reached up to push at the back of Zhangjing’s head, licking over his lips once, twice, before connecting them to Zhangjing’s. His lips were soft and plush, though slightly chapped. Yanjun kissed eagerly, all slick glide and soft bites. His hands drifted up to tug at Zhangjing’s shirt, pulling him impossibly closer. It was amazing how long he held his breath, though, Zhangjing grimly supposed that his lungs had grown numb to the burning. Yanjun bit down particularly hard on his bottom lip. He could always tell when Zhangjing’s mind wandered, and he never appreciated it. 

 

Zhangjing let his jaw fall slack when Yanjun’s tongue prodded at his mouth. He enjoyed the warm, intimate feeling. Clashing lips, tongues, teeth. It lasted far too long, yet ended far too quickly. 

 

Zhangjing sat on the bed, gasping for breath, and Yanjun had the goddamn audacity to look proud. Somehow, Zhangjing found it endearing. 

 

***

 

Zhengting didn’t feel up to waiting for a customer. Not on this particular day. He was just so tired. Any sleep he had been getting just left him more restless. He didn’t know what it was, perhaps just a berserk cold, but he hadn’t been feeling well. The second he laid his head down, he was out. 

 

He woke up again to a rather abrupt and uncalled for knock on the door. Zhengting glanced up drowsily, eyes falling on a man at the doorway. Assumably the customer. He was rather well dressed compared to the usual clients. The type Zhengting would look at, and think,  _ ‘Can’t you afford better?’  _

 

They were really pretty cheap, after all. 

 

“Shouldn’t you sleep  _ after _ I’m done?” The man seemed more amused than anything, with a soft smirk playing across his pale lips.

 

He sat up immediately with a nod, trying to blink the sleep out of his eyes. “Aha..”

 

The man took slow steps walking in, lazily closing the door behind him. “It’s okay, I didn’t pay for much better anyhow.” He stalked over, and sat down in front of Zhengting, eyes dark and lust-glazed. 

 

“Let’s not waste time, yeah?”

 

…

 

Zhengting could only vaguely remember what had happened. After too many rounds, he had ended up passing out. He didn’t know if it was the exhaustion catching up to him, or the way his head would bang against the bed frame, but he wasn’t very worried about it. Zhengting was very content to simply lay around until he absolutely had to get up. He had only been out a couple minutes, which was, in his opinion, far too short a time. 

 

“You were a good fuck. You did well bitch.” The man ruffled his hair, tugging just a bit too hard. Zhengting really couldn’t respond with much more than a quiet whine as he tried to shake his head away.

 

“Ah, still have some strength left? Did I not go hard enough?”

 

He laughed when Zhengting let his head fall back onto the mattress limply, screwing his eyes shut. 

 

“I see.” He grabbed his jacket off the stool at the side of the room, then walked out with a faint “good morning.”

 

…

 

_ “Zhengtiiiiing!” _

 

He had been quite rudely awoken by an annoying voice from the doorway. He had just wanted some goddamn sleep, was that so difficult?

 

“Kun, don’t you have work to do or something?” Zhengting rolled over, throwing a pillow in the vague direction of the entrance. 

 

Xukun sat down on the side of the bed, shaking his head. “Nope, I got easy people so I finished up early. Since you hadn’t come down yet I figured you were tired.” He grinned playfully, “Want some tea?”

 

Zhengting only hummed in response, pushing himself up into a sitting position. 

 

“Brat, I was sleeping.” He knocked the younger upside the head, taking the cup. The other took the hit well, simply resting his head on Zhengting’s shoulder. 

 

“Mhm, sure, something close to that.”

 

Zhengting slowly brushed his fingers through Xukun’s hair, tugging lightly at the nape of his neck. “Your hair is getting too long.”

 

“Aish, I know. You’ve gotten too tall!”

 

He laughed lightly, patting the crown of Xukun’s head. “Maybe you just need to grow some more?” 

 

The shorter whined, pressing his head further onto Zhengting’s shoulder. “No, I think you’re just too tall. Lemme drink.”

 

“Nu-uh. You gave it to me, it’s mine now.” 

 

“I’m the brat?”

 

Zhengting took an obnoxiously long gulp, just to further bother Xukun. “Watch your mouth before I hit you again.”

 

“I’m not watching nothing.” His voice had gotten quieter, weariness slowly creeping up. Zhengting just laughed, shaking his head. 

 

“That’s a double negative.”

 

_ “You’re a double negative.” _

 

He let out a small sigh, “That doesn’t make sense.”

 

_ “You don’t make sense-”  _ Xukun muttered back, putting extra emphasis on the ‘you.’ 

 

“I swear, what the hell made you like this?”

 

“Ask yourself, gege~”

 

Zhengting answered him with a prompt tug at his hair, knocking Xukun’ head back. “Do you reall-”

 

The short, pure moment of rare, childish teasing died out most immediately as Zhengting broke into a fit of coughing. It started with small chokes, but quickly progressed into full-on hacking. His cracked lips turned a concerningly light shade and salty tears peppered his cheekbone as he tried his hardest to calm his coughs.

 

Xukun sat straight up, gazing up at Zhengting with heart-wrenching worry glittering in wide, dark eyes. He reached his hand towards Zhengting’s cheek, smooth but a bit too hollow. Kun gently wiped away his tears, then reaching back down to hold his hand while he calmed down. He put his other hand under the cup of tea, guiding it up to Zhengting’s pale lips. 

 

The younger peered up with weary eyes, a gaze so sharp it dug through Zhengting’s skin. “You aren’t okay, don’t try to tell me you’re okay.” 

 

He simply sighed in response, nodding slightly and taking in a few slow gulps of tea.

 

“Zheng, you really need some time to rest. I’m gonna see if I can just take extra shifts or two people at once or something. I’ll do something. But you can’t hold up like this.”

 

“Kun, you’re tired too. You can’t do that to your body.” He pulled his hand away from Xukun’s grasp, resting it back into his fluffy mop of hair. The smaller just smiled lightly, shaking his head. 

 

“I’m in a much better condition than you, I can take it. Just take a day at least, okay? I’ll be fine, don’t worry.”

 

“No way I can change you stubborn mind, but please, be careful with this.”

 

Xukun let out a breath, resting his head back against Zhengting’s shoulder. “You know I’ll be fine. This is all I’m good at, so shouldn’t I be okay? Don’t worry too much.”

 

“Don’t phrase it like that, you’re not just- you know.”

 

“Yeah. Yeah, I know. Can you hold me?” He lifted Zhengting’s limp arm, wrapping it loosely around his waist.

 

“Sure.” He tightened his grip, putting the empty cup down and wrapping both arms around Xukun’s torso. The latter gripped his arm in return, moving more into his chest. “You’re strong, make sure you remember that.”

 

“You’re even stronger, Ting. Don’t forget it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been working on that zikun oneshot im really enjoying it so far  
> i hope this chapter was fine :'')
> 
> any comments are appreciated immensely  
> but kudos are appreciated too  
> as are just views huhuh
> 
> pls feed me this author is curling up into a starving ball of unmotivation this week idk what i'm doing :'))


	9. finish that tea, mushroom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woot sorry this took long, i'm multitasting with working on that very long zikun one-shot
> 
> i hope the grammar doesn't sound awkward or anything, I really tried. something happens in this chapter ;)

Xukun did manage to get Zhengting some time off. But the next week was hard, very hard. He worked through his only free day, which had been his biggest strife. There was a constant pounding all through his body, especially at his temples. It only took him a moment alone to fall asleep, which was what he was doing at the moment. He had wrapped up tightly in the heavy blanket of one of the rooms, ignored the world, and passed out immediately.

 

He got a fair two or three hours in, since it was getting to be later in the morning. But, he had to wake up eventually, and that time came far too fast for his sleep-deprived liking. It took him a good minute to even acknowledge the tugging on his arm, and when he did, he simply rolled away. 

 

“Xukun.. Kunkun, come on, you haven’t eaten anything for at least 24 hours.” 

 

Xukun recognized that voice, and when he did, he burrowed himself further into the blanket. He knew he really should have ditched the fear he had of Linong a long time ago, but everytime he tried, the moment that started everything just replayed in his head. It shouldn’t have been that big of a deal. He’d seen worse. It really shouldn’t have been that big of a deal, but it was. 

 

“Kun, please. Come on.” He gently lifted Xukun up, moving him to face himself. Xukun opened his eyes wearily, slumping into Linong’s arms. Linong met Xukun’s hazy eyes with a powerful, caring gaze. “I’m gonna be here for you, alright? I promise you, I will never do anything to hurt you. No matter what. I’m not asking you to get over anything, I’m not asking you to forget, okay? Just trust me.”

 

The smaller stared up at him. Xukun didn’t give him an answer, but his expression was changing. Slowly at first, then all of a sudden, he was full on sobbing. He burrowed his face in Nong’s shirt, tugging at his arms hard to try to gain some control of his frantic breathing. 

 

Linong pulled him into a loose embrace, letting him calm down at his own rate. “Hey, hey. Come on now, why’re you crying?” He stroked up and down his arm with a feather-like touch, not wanting to startle him in any way. 

 

“I d-don’t know,” he choked out into Linong’s shirt, working on taking in deep gulps of air. It took him a moment, but he eventually went slack in the other’s arms, silent tears rolling off his eyelashes. “Nong, I’m- I’m just,” he took another deep breath, “I’m so tired. Tired. Yeah..” he trailed off incoherently, wiping at his eyes and looking up. 

 

Linong nodded and lifted him up, to turn him around and press the back of Xukun’s head into his chest. “I know you are,” he chuckled under his breath, “That’s why I brought you something to eat.” 

 

“Mmm,” Xukun tilted his head back. Ugly tear tracks streaked through his flushed cheeks, and his eyes were still red, but he had calmed down. “Gimme.”

 

“Gimme?”

 

“Mhm, gimme.” A faint smile played across his lips, and he glanced over at the table to the side. Linong enjoyed seeing his eyes spark up when he made eye-contact with a round dumpling. He grabbed the plate before Xukun could say anything. 

 

“I don’t trust you to not drop the plate.” He lifted a dumpling with the pair of wooden chopsticks, prodding at the boy’s mouth. “Come on now, eat.” 

 

He happily obliged, engulfing the dumpling and a few more after that. “Are you trying to sedate me with dumplings?” 

 

“Maybe a little.” He wrapped Xukun’s slender hands around a cup of tea, pushing it up. “You need energy, Kunkun.” Linong pinched his ear, tugging playfully, “You’re like a goddamn mushroom.” 

 

“A- a mushroom?” He gulped down his tea and tilted his head back to look up at the other boy. “Why am I a mushroom?” 

 

“Well mushrooms don’t really need to feed, and they don’t need the sunlight. So you’re like a mushroom.” 

 

Xukun blinked in response, completely bewildered. “I- oh dear God.” He started laughing, slapping his hand against Nong’s knee, which he was propped up against. Linong slapped his cheek lightly in retaliation, and Xukun attempted to take a bite out of the fleeting hand. 

 

“Maybe it’s a lives thing. I did something horrible in my past life and God was supposed to make me a mushroom but decided this was worse.” 

 

Linong slapped him again, but with a much more significant drive. “Dummy, don’t say that, I’m trying to engage in a nice light-hearted conversation with you.” 

 

The younger simply whined in response, rubbing his cheek back up against Linong’s hand and blinking up with twinkling eyes. He looked better now, his eyes had sparked back up after he ate and the tears had finally dried up. The red tint from his eyes had traveled down to his lips, which had previously been pale and split almost to the point of bleeding. They were graced with a light smile, pearly teeth just barely peaking through. Linong should have been annoyed, but he couldn’t help but think that Xukun looked best when he was smiling. 

 

“I think we need to continue this light-hearted conversation later on, someone’s knocking.” Xukun continued in a lower tone, “Please go check up on Zhengting, make sure he’s okay!” 

 

Linong nodded and stroked the boy’s hair with a soft smile, standing up and lifting the empty plate. “Finish that tea, mushroom.” He grinned dryly, “ Keep your energy up. New Years is soon, you better last another 48 hours.” 

 

He nodded, dark eyes full of sincerity, gazing up from behind the slightly curled curtain of his bang. Xukun crawled out from under the grey covers, inching towards the edge of the bed and draping his legs over. The cream top hung loosely on his small frame, the sleeves had been long since ripped off and the neckline was stretched low. Narrow feet poked out from equally loose black pants. Even with the dark shade, the fabric clung to his thin legs, folding around his calves and accentuating his thighs. He cheerily waved Linong away, smiling broadly. The man left the room rather begrudgingly, ignoring the man standing outside. 

 

He did check on Zhengting, who had been a nauseous, aching mess for the past few days. He was lucky Xukun managed to get him a break before the bigger bout of illness hit, because Linong doubted he could even sit up on his own. Luckily, he did seem to be improving quickly, now that the initial waves died down, and everyone was looking forward to the positive. 

 

Linong left quickly, though, because as worried as he was about Zhengting, he had some other, hastier plans. He had managed to find a certain set of documents in Andy’s office that night, while the man was busy out in the tavern, persuading new customers. It was only a paper, a few sentences hastily written on a thin piece of parchment, but it held some valuable information. And after a day of looking through archives, doing research, he found what he had been looking for. 

 

Now that he had the information, everything was simple. The empty room he sat in still smelled of sex, but all he needed was some privacy. He wrote in neat, pretty print, filling up the entirety of the paper he had scrounged up, there was just enough room left to address it. The first character in the entirety of the letter had been the most difficult to write. Small, delicate, and specific strokes. It was a difficult character for Linong, yet probably one of the only ones Xukun knew. After waiting a minute or two, to make sure the ink wouldn’t smear, he folded up the parchment and closed it up in a heavy envelope. 

 

Doing all this work, all this searching had been a pain, but it would be worth it. Everything would be worth it. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heh did you like the foreshadowing  
> feel free to make guesses in the comments i'll have fun with my cruely vague responses
> 
> thank you to anyone actually keeping up with this ily :'''')
> 
> any attention is appreciated you're all so lovely, thank you  
> gimme feedback skdjks


	10. she still smelled like licorice plant and ginseng

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> owo what's this a woman??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! sorry, I was focusing on my zikun oneshot that is probably getting too long, sorry this is short :(
> 
> please enjoy, something big happens in this chapter!

  


New Year had finally come, which fortunately, meant a day off. Zhengting had gotten a lot better, but Xukun looked, and felt, half dead. He had been the first one to hop along downstairs, with an annoyed Yanjun in tow. However, he fell asleep most immediately, curling up on the bar table.

 

Yanjun sat down next to Xukun’s head, glancing down at him. He was mildly disappointed, but not surprised. Justin and Chengcheng were the next to run in, which Yanjun was happy about. He hadn’t seen them in a while, and he missed their hyper, childish asses.

 

Xiao Gui had wandered in next, ignoring everyone and downing an entire bottle of rice wine. Well, besides for the glass he left out for his broom. Yanjun didn’t question it, and neither did anyone else. Soon enough, Zhangjing and Zhengting came in, leaving only Ziyi and Linong missing. Ziyi had already said he was visiting his family. As for Nong, no one had a clue.

 

So far, everyone was getting entertainment out of Xukun’s awkward sleeping position. He kept rolling around, and Yanjun was pretty sure Zhengting and the dancers were betting on when he’d fall off the edge of the table.

 

“Guys, guys,” it took anyone awhile to realize Zhangjing was trying to get a word through, “We need to actually wake him. Let’s not be cruel.”

 

Zhengting frowned, and mumbled about Zhangjing being no fun, but nodded.

 

Xukun didn’t appreciate being awoken (my heart). He could have easily slept another few hours, but he understood that they wanted him to actually talk. Once he blinked the sleep out of his eyes, he glanced around. “Where’s Nongnong?” Zhangjing shrugged up at him, opening a bottle black beer he had grabbed from the kitchen.

 

“Maybe he went out for something? I assume he’ll be back.”

 

“Oh.. alright. Can I have a glass?” He perked up immediately once he saw the alcohol. He had always really liked food, alcohol, drugs, really anything that could distract him, make him forget who he was for at least a little bit. Zhengting had started to catch on a while ago, and tried to put at least some kind of limit on his growing reliance. And, no surprise, it worked, considering everyone trusted Zhengting a lot more than they trusted Xukun.

 

“Dear God, do not let him have a whole glass, all your shit is strong. Pour him half.” Xukun whined, but accepted his fate once Zhangjing chugged down the rest of his bottle.

 

“No fun.” Xukun sulked and sipped at his beer, sitting himself on the table. He wasn’t feeling very energetic, so he just watched everyone fool about. That alone made him happy enough. The beer tasted far too alcoholic than beer should have been, and Xukun found himself questioning Zhangjing’s lifestyle. His thoughts were interrupted by the familiar sound of the outside door opening.   


Xukun was the first to pipe up, sliding down from the table. “Is that Nong?” He walked up to the tavern entrance, jumping up to glimpse through the window.

 

Another voice called out from the back, where they had all started to play throwing coins against the wall. “Can you see him?”

 

“Mhm, I think.” Xukun ran back to set his glass down, and stayed by the table to wait for the door to open. Everyone else was either focused on the game or their beloved broom, so he was really the only one focusing on the door. He wasn’t surprised when the obnoxiously tall, dark-haired Linong came in, but he was surprised to see another hand in his. It was definitely a woman’s hand, and looked vaguely familiar. It was too tan to be one of the other prostitutes, though. And they usually took up the other side of the building, anyways.

 

When Linong pulled the other form completely into view, Xukun knew immediately where he recognized the hand from. He didn’t know whether to laugh or sob. In fact, he didn’t know what to do at all. He was frozen. The others didn’t have the slightest clue who the woman was, but Xukun knew painfully well. Her hair was long, reaching her lower back, and straight. It was pinned back neatly with a simple clip. Lately, woman usually pinned theirs up in tight curls. This woman’s looked to be brushed back in a rush. Her dress looked old, but proper, and small, simple white earrings twinkled from behind the few strands of hair that fell forward.

 

It only took her a second to meet Xukun’s gaze, and she almost immediately came rushing forward. Xukun met her half-way, embracing her in a tight hug. Hell, he was taller than her. Even with her in heels, his mother only came up to his nose. He had outgrown his mother by a fair amount. He didn’t know when he had started sobbing, but he couldn’t stop. “I missed-” he choked on his words, stuttering on incoherently. “S’ much, missed you so much..” He pulled his mother closer to him, placing multiple kisses on her cheek and along her jawline, before ducking his head down onto her shoulder and mumbling on pathetically. Xukun would have fallen over if it weren’t for Linong’s hand, holding his shoulder firmly. “Mama.. mama, mama. Mama I’m so sorry, I-” he choked again, and the woman finally got a word in.

 

“Xukun. My Kunkun, my little baby.” He realized she was crying as well, which just made him sob harder. His hands clung to her dress, pulled up into tight fists. He could feel her long hair brushing against his knuckles. She still smelled like licorice plant and ginseng. She looked the same, but older, more weary. “I love you, I-I, I love you so much.” Every word he churned out sounded choked, almost painful. “I’m sorry, mama, so sorry.”

 

She shook her head furiously, gripping him tighter. She let Linong slowly lead them towards the bench off to the side. Linong must have done so much to reach out to her. She trusted him. She was so, so thankful. “It’s not your fault baby. Nothing’s your fault.” A sob racked through her body, which had gotten frailer over the long years. “I’m just so happy you’re alive. You’re here, so close, breathing, talking. I love you. Love you, love you. It’s been so painful.” She sat down on the wooden bench, pulling Xukun down as well. She gently pulled him down, so that he could lay his head in her lap. Just like when he was younger,

 

Xukun turned onto his back, gazing up at his mother. He probably looked like absolute shit, with puffy eye and tear-streaked cheeks. Not even mentioning how thin he knew he had gotten. His mother’s thin hands traveled through his hair, rubbing into his scalp in soft, soothing motions. Her hands were a bit calloused from years of hard work, but still gentle, delicate, and painfully _her_.

 

“I didn’t know a thing, Xukun.” She took a deep breath, looking up to meet seven pairs of eyes staring at them. She waved them off, and they seemed to understand, turning around to whisper quietly among themselves. “Your father just came home.. He had so much money, out of nowhere. But then you never came home. I kept asking him where you were, what he did. He never- he never said a thing.” She reached up to wipe at her own tears with her free hand. Xukun didn’t have the energy left to sob, so he just stared up, silent tears clouding his eyes.

 

“Honey, my baby.. I always knew he didn’t like you, but to- t-to..” she couldn’t finish. “Your friend, Linong,” she paused again, catching her breath, “He already told me everything. You don’t have to explain. I’m just.. So happy I can see you, hold you. Hear your voice, feel you breathe.”

 

He smiled up with tired eyes, reaching up to his mother’s face with both hands. He brushed the stray strands of hair out of her eyes, then softly cupped her face with his palms. “I love you mama. I missed you. So much.. Thank you, thank you, I love you.” His voice was tender, emotional, and fragile. Like the lightest breeze could make him crumble.

 

“ _My Lord,_ you’ve grown so much. Last time I saw you, you were still so much shorter than me. You had those chubby cheeks,” she reached down and pinched the skin below Xukun’s cheekbone, “Now you’re so thin.. Too thin.” She held back another sob. Xukun could tell she wanted to have been there. To watch her son outgrow her, to stuff him full every new year, to celebrate each and every birthday.

 

“I missed my baby growing up.. Getting so pretty, so handsome.” She stroked along his face, running her fingers over his familiar features. Xukun smiled softly, his dry lips straining. His face felt uncomfortable and sticky and his throat felt parched. But he didn’t have any energy left to care.

 

“Just know how proud I am. I’m proud,” another sob, stronger than the one’s prior, racked through her small body, “I’m so proud that you’re still here… that you lasted so long, even like this, in a place like this. Thank you, Xukun, my baby. I thought you were dead. For so long. But here you are. You’re alive, you’re breathing, dear lord, you’re even smiling.” His mother met his gaze and smiled softly as well.

 

_“I knew you’d grow up with a beautiful smile.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading~~
> 
> I'm actually gonna be travelling, so I probably won't be able to write for a good two weeks. I had to stay up the night before my flight to finish this, haha. So that means a two week hiatus. I really wanted to finish my zikun oneshot, really tried to, but realized I only had time to write one thing :(((  
> im sorry
> 
> but i did come up with a new nongkun au idea that i really want to do, so if i ever finish this, ill jump onto that
> 
> or just start writing it regardless of this fic because im compulsive and like suffering
> 
> anyways, thx to anyone who got trough my author's note, remember that I love comments <33
> 
> i wrote this really late and didn't proofread, I didnt have time, im sorry


	11. i'm okay, mama

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh so,,, hey! I'm alive again  
> ive been bit busy, fuhfuh sorry  
> i hope this is okay, i feel like it seems off? i hope some of you stayed with me rip

His mother took a few deep breaths, working hard to calm down. “Alright. You’re here, it’s okay.” 

 

Xukun sat up and wiped his eyes, clinging on to his mother’s arm. He paused for a moment, contemplating what to say. “You should leave. Your husband, I mean.” 

 

And it hurt a bit more than she was willing to show, the way he refused to call the man his father. He usually spoke rather politely too, but here he was, so blunt. Unless he changed. And she really hoped he hadn’t. 

 

“I already plan to, alright? I’ll find a job in this city.. I’ll just find something, I’ll work hard. I’ll be near you, baby, I will visit. Do you have free day?”

 

Xukun smiled gently, nodding. “Tuesdays. But don’t work too hard, mama. I can’t lose you again.” 

 

“Kunkun..” She gently tugged him off, and stood him up with her. “You get to eat, right? You eat, sleep, things like that?” She took his hand. It was now a bit bigger than hers, but still similar. Long, thin palm, fingers on the stubbier side in comparison. She was glad he looked so similar to her. It made her feel better. 

 

“Yes, I’m okay. Mama, I’m doing okay. How about..  Let’s go meet the others, alright?” He took small steps forward, tugging his mother along. They made their way over to the bar, Xukun in the lead.

 

Zhengting had long since been listening, and walked over to meet them at the table. The others didn’t really intrude, letting Zhengting handle it on his own. He was the closest to Xukun by far, after all. Xukun hopped onto the table top between Zhengting and the empty seat next to him, leaving the space for his mother to sit down. He took the opportunity to grab another bowl from the array at the table. It was some sort of meat, probably pork. Their spread may have looked rather pathetic to others, but jokes on them, Zhangjing was a fucking brilliant cook. 

 

“This is Zhengting. We sleep together.” 

 

The aforementioned boy smiled shyly, nodding his head respectfully. 

 

Miss Cai only blinked. “Sleep together as in.. explain your context, honey.” 

 

It took him a good moment to understand what she meant. “Ohh, oh. As in we share a room and bed. Not the rooms where, you know. We have our own rooms on the top floor.” 

 

She nodded, looking back to Zhengting. She spent a minute just staring, as if she could figure out everything just from that. 

 

“You’re a bit older than Xukun, right? Four years, about? So handsome..” Her gentle fingers traced along Zhengting’s face, before pulling him in for a hug. “Have you been taking care of Xukun?”

 

Zhengting was taken by surprise, but he didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around the woman. She was small, short and thin. And Zhengting could see her intense resemblance to Xukun, feel it, in fact. The way she brought a hand up behind his neck, how she pressed close, but not too tightly. Even the way she blinked back her tears. Zhengting had only just met her, but he could tell she was an amazing woman. 

 

“Mhm,” Zhengting whispered, “And he’s been taking care of me too.”

 

She pulled them apart, getting a better look of Zhengting’s face. “You’re such a beautiful young man.. Thank you, Zhengting. Just, thank you, so, so, s-so, so m-much.” 

 

“It’s okay, it’s okay. Miss, please don’t cry.” He smiled gently down at her, taking the woman’s hand delicately. He squeezed it as she took deep breaths, calming down. 

 

“I’m fine, I’m fine. Honey.. Do you have parents, a mother or father?” 

 

Zhengting shook his head, and glanced up to check on Xukun, who had put his bowl to the side and reached down to take his mother’s hand from Zhengting. He looked happier than Zhengting had ever seen him, eyes glittering and lips turned up. 

 

“That’s okay, I can be your mother too from now on.” 

 

He laughed, “Thank you.” 

 

Miss Cai didn’t take long getting acquainted with the rest. Like Xukun, she seemed a bit childish for her age. She even sat down at the bar to share drinks with Chengcheng and Justin, who she appeared to adopt as well. She was just like Zhengting imagined the ideal mother would be. 

 

Soft-spoken, affectionate, charismatic, headstrong. Even though Zhengting wished he had gotten time with his own mother, he felt even worse for Xukun. He could tell the younger loved his mother to hell and back. He had all-but refused to let go off her hand throughout the afternoon, and took every chance he got to press closer. 

 

Zhengting couldn’t miss something he never had. But Xukun knew how his life could have gone, could have continued. Sure, they were poor, his father beat him almost daily, his life wasn’t particularly fortunate. 

 

But to Xukun, it was fine. Because he had a home, a true home, in the woman sitting next to him. It wasn’t the struggling fields, the broken down town, or the shoddy house. It was his mother. It seemed like just her presence made anywhere seem beautiful. And Xukun thought he had lost it all. He really doubted his mother’s husband would tell her a thing, and even if he did, how could she possibly find him in a bustling city like Beijing? Xukun knew going back would be near impossible, too. So he accepted that he lost it. After five years, he had forced himself to accept the painful reality. 

 

Yet here his mother was. Drinking, touching, crying, laughing. And now, half a decade later, she still looked radiant. Barely a wrinkle, no blemishes spare the heavy bags under her eyes. Her face was long, dainty, symmetrical, and her figure was still slender. Everyone could tell Xukun mostly took after her. 

 

Eventually, she had to go, but Xukun clung to her arm until the very last moment. “I love you, mama.” His voice was quiet and lacked confidence, but the woman could tell he was sincere. 

 

“Kunkun, I love you. Don’t worry, stay strong.” She met his eyes, sweet but unwavering. “You can do it. I’ll be around, I promise. I’ll find something to do. With and luck, it will be better than picking through a rice field.” She chuckled, bringing Xukun forward a hug, like she had done already with everyone else.

 

“I know you’ll be okay. You’re still my strong baby boy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ty so much if youve stayed with me <3333  
> i'll try to get back to my weekly schedule, and feel free to ask me if youre wondering why i was gone so long
> 
> like always, i really enjoy comments but everything else is fine too uwu  
> tell me if this sounds strange, it gets darker again soon


	12. whatever it was, it was uniquely theirs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh hecc i wanted this to be more dramtic but oh well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry i got busy with school and didn't even realize two weeks had passed already

Xukun groaned, “Shouldn’t people still be with their families today??” He had just come downstairs, and would really prefer a few more hours of sleep. He lay the side of his head on the table, facing Linong. Linong was the only one working since it wasn’t very busy. Ziyi had ditched, and hell if Xukun knew what he was doing. 

 

The taller huffed and placed the last cleaned glass back on the wrack, then rested his forearms on the wood next to Xukun’s head. “Mhm, all men are trash, got ya mushroom.” 

 

“I’m glad you understand.” Xukun turned his head down and closed his eyes. Maybe it was from lack of sleep, but they had really started stinging a lot recently. Not that the rest of his body wasn’t aching a well. 

 

Linong raised a hand to brush along just the edges of Xukun’s hair. “Are you feeling any better?” The kid could handle a lot, but he did have his limit, and the double work really took it out of him. 

 

“I am, ‘m just tired..” He rolled his head forward into the touch, opening his eyes for just a second to catch a glimpse of Linong. “Zhengting can work now, so it’ll be fine.”

 

“Don’t push your luck, mushrooms are easy to kick over.”

 

Xukun groaned, “The mushroom metaphors are very reassuring, Linong.” He said his name a tad louder than necessary, and let his head fall back on his arms weakly.

 

The latter just grinned, tugging a bit harder at Xukun’s hair. “I’m sure.” 

 

“Mmh. If you’re gonna bother me let me eat more.”

 

Linong leaned forward to respond, but got interrupted by quick footsteps from the stairs. Zhengting came into view from around the wall, looking rather pissed. “Why didn’t you wake me up, you little bitch.”

 

He just whined, not even looking up. “I didn’t want to. You were tired.”

 

“Dumbass, what if I got in trouble.” Zhengting sighed, sitting down on the stool next to Xukun’s. He spun around to face the table, placing his elbow on the table and his chin in his hand. 

 

“I wouldn’t have let you.”

 

“Mhm, and gotten yourself hurt? Stop doing this.”

 

Xukun rolled his head to the side, pressing the back into Zhengting’s arm. “Don’t worry too much, you’ll get sick.” 

 

“You’re a little brat.” 

 

“I’ve been told.”

 

“I swear to-” Zhengting closed his mouth and whipped his head back at the sound of the door opening. Xukun sat up as well, spinning around on his stool. 

 

A group of what looked like office men walked in. They were dressed in a more western style, with boxy slacks and button-ups. Groups of co-workers really weren’t uncommon, though, people felt better about buying sex when they could claim it was just because everyone else did it. 

 

A lot of young students came in too, especially after graduation. Almost like a ritual for maturing. Xukun found he really didn’t mind that, though. Most of them went for the girls, and if he did get a client, it was usually an inexperienced virgin who got dragged along.    

 

“I bet they all have wives,” Zhengting grumbled under his breath, placing a hand on top of Xukun’s head. 

 

The other boy giggled, thankful that Zhengting tried to lighten the mood. He turned his back to the group and and laid his chin down on the wood. “I think their wives are happy enough that they’re out of the house.” 

 

“Pipe down or they’ll hear your annoying ass.”

 

He rolled his eyes, “I don’t think it matters, either way we won’t enjoy this.”

 

Zhengting didn’t like it when Xukun got pessimistic. The kid was usually pretty tolerant. He gritted his teeth and took everything indifferently because he knew he’d have to either way. As hard as it was, Zhengting had always tried to stay positive around him. In turn, teaching him to stay positive. So he had to admit, it did bother him when Xukun got particularly negative.

 

But just as he was about to retort, he felt a hand snake around his waist. Warm and heavy, settling above his hip. “You two don’t look too busy.” 

 

Xukun sat up, getting on eye level with the man. He wasn’t very intimidating, but to his credit, he was rather tall. “Really? Well you looked real busy chatting over there.”

 

“Mm, I think I have some free time.” The man’s lips curled up, and he trailed his hand up Zhengting’s side before reaching out to grab Xukun’s chin. “You sound like a little brat, are you trying to be aggravating?” 

 

Xukun leaned forward, into his hand. The man’s face was strong and narrow, with small, slanted eyes and a long, rounded nose. He was tall and long-limbed like an englishman, and Xukun would’ve thought he was a foreigner from the back. He glanced down, then back up from behind his lashes, gently drawing his bottom lip between his teeth. “Maybe, if you already paid.” 

 

The man chuckled, pushing him away. Xukun fell off the stool, cursing loudly. He didn’t make a move to get up, just rolled onto his back. “What the hell, you fucking jerk..”

 

Zhengting looked between the two of them, vaguely wondering if he should help, laugh, or both. The man at least had the decency to pull Xukun back up, muttering a somber ‘sorry.’ 

 

The man’s eyes danced between the two of them for a moment as Xukun stumbled back, finally stopping on Zhengting after a few long seconds of utter silence. Between the three, at least, the rest of the men were still chattering loudly in the back.

 

When Zhengting met the man’s small, dark eyes, he felt the hair at the back of his neck rising up. He looked deep in thought, and customers who thought too much were always a fair bit worse. 

 

“Both of you, head up.”

 

***

 

“Are they allowed to do this?” Xukun laughed softly, but coldly, and leaned his head back against the plaster wall. 

 

Zhengting stroked the back of Xukun’s hand, which rested next to the headboard. “Well, yeah. Now they can.” 

 

The younger laughed gain, getting quieter. “Do you think he’s into blindfolds?” 

 

He smiled back, tugging his own shirt up over his head. “Don’t ask too many questions, you’ll get hurt.” Zhengting rocked forward onto his knees, sitting back on his heels. The covers were obnoxiously fluffy for the firm mattress, and looked slightly disheveled. Someone had probably just tossed them on. They didn’t need to bother to make it look nice. The room was too dimly lit that it would matter, anyways. Zhengting glanced back at Xukun, when he heard him start to ramble.

 

“You’re sure you feel better? Aren’t you cold? Don’t you dare get sick again, Ting. Or I swear to god I will-” 

 

“Kun, stop. It’s fine, you did enough, you soft bitch.” 

 

Xukun ducked his head down, idly playing with a loose thread at the end of his dark top. Zhengting made cursing sound more compassionate than should have been possible. “I’m just concerned.” 

 

“I know you are, but trust me, it’ll be okay.” 

 

He let out a faint choked snicker, “You call this okay?” 

 

“If you’re alive, and talking, I think it’s okay.” 

 

They heard footsteps along the stairs before Xukun could open his mouth, the wood creaking sadly with each heavy stride. They soon travelled into the hall, and Xukun took that as his cue to sit up as well. 

 

But he made sure to find time to whisper a faint  _ thank you  _ before the door opened.

 

***

It was fine when things happened to him. He was used to it, he could deal with it. But seeing Zhengting like that, even if he closed his eyes,  _ hearing, feeling _ him right there. Even an hour later, he was nauseous. Zhengting had been with him for years, helped raise him, keep him sane, just took care of him for all that time. And it was disgusting, seeing him that way. 

 

He let himself sink further under the covers. He knew he probably wasn’t allowed to stay around that long, but the brothel really wasn’t gonna be very busy the day after New Year’s. Looked like people had some values, after all. 

 

“Kunkun.. I think we need to get up.”

 

“No, no, I don’t think I can.” His voice came out quieter than he would’ve liked, and he turned onto his side away from Zhengting. 

 

“Xukun..” He sat up slowly and inched closer, lifting Xukun up into a seated position. “Do you wanna pretend this never happened? We can do that, act like it’s nothing, never bring it up.” 

 

“What good will that do?!” Xukun let his head fall forward, rubbing the heels of his palms into his eyes as if it would stop him from crying. “I’ll still remember, I can’t just make myself forget.” His body shook. Zhengting’s hesitant hand came to rest on his thigh, squeezing comfortably. “God, I don’t know why I’m so bad at taking this. I sh-should be okay.” He released a breathy sob, “I’m sorry, you always have to deal with me. You must feel terrible too, right?” 

 

Zhengting still didn’t know what to say, so he stayed silent, rubbing circles into the younger’s skin. He met Xukun’s eyes when the other peered up, letting his hands drop down.  

 

“I- I’m sorry.” Xukun let out a faint laugh, rubbing at his eyes again. “It’s a hassle, isn’t it? I’m such a crybaby.” He sat up onto his knees and wrapped his arms around Zhengting’s waist, hugging him tightly. “Thank you. Really, Zhengting, thank you.” 

 

Zhengting was a bit taken aback, and it took him a fair moment to gain his awareness back. When his brain did catch up, he could only smile. Because Xukun didn’t understand. After everything, he was still a dumb kid. But he was the dumb kid Zhengting had gotten to see grow up. Hold his hand through his ups and downs, stay up with him when he couldn’t fall asleep, obliging him in all his meaningless little rants. 

 

“No, Kunkun, you don’t understand. This kind of life is meaningless. But we’re stuck, it’s the same thing over and over. It was lonely before you appeared, I was totally lost.” He rested his head on Xukun’s shoulder, stroking his hand up and down the younger’s arm. “You gave me that meaning I needed. Xukun, you keep me going, I would have found a way to kill myself long ago if it weren’t for you. When you showed up, you were so confused, distraught. So tiny too, I remember you even still had braces then.” He squeezed his arms a bit tighter around Xukun’s small waist. 

 

“I love that I can be here for you to cry on. I really, really do. Don’t you dare ever doubt it. You’re my reason to keep going. Because I know an idiot like you wouldn’t last long without me, yeah?” 

 

Xukun snorted quietly, but nodded and tilted his head down. “I hate that you always know what to say.” 

 

“That’s what I’m here for, for you to talk to me.” 

 

“Thank you.” 

 

Their dynamic was strange. It was love, but not in the way of a relationship, and not in the way of just friends either. Perhaps it was more like family, or even just resting on the fine line between all three. Whatever it was, it was uniquely theirs. And it was a wonderful feeling, having something for themselves. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah uh my schedule has been kinda hectic and I'm not feeling to motivated, but I'll try to get back in the mood
> 
> I hope this wasn't too bad, like always I love everyone who's actually staying with me  
> I always love comments, but just reading is alright too  
> <333  
> the author is dying im sorry


	13. take my life, make it your own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roses are red  
> Violets are blue  
> I’m kinda gay  
> uwu  
> "Nong-”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god i'm sorry this took so long and it's kinda short. but i really am trying to go somewhere with this story and i wont ditch it, no matter how hectic my schedule becomes haha
> 
> im sorry this took like two weeks i really am trying :(

“God Linkai, I just.. He’s so, he’s just so… Xukun, you know? I just want to hug him and hold him forever and-” 

 

Xiao Gui interrupted,“I get it, you’re gay. Please don’t bring me into your fucked up crush.” He dropped his broom down into the closet aggressively, turning back to face his pathetic coworker. 

 

“It’s not- It’s not fucked up! I’d treat him well.” 

 

“I was sure he was terrified of you for at least two weeks. If your short temper makes a comeback, no way is he gonna let you touch him, dude.” 

 

“It was one ti-” 

 

LInong paused when he heard light shuffling down the stairs. Xukun popped up after a few moments, looking dead tired and messy. He was wearing two layers, one of his  thin tops under some random button up. It was far too big, falling off both of his shoulders and hanging past his hands. He didn’t know where Xukun had got it, and didn’t really want to ask. He seemed cold, rubbing at his cheeks sleepily and almost tripping once he reached the first floor. 

 

Xiao Gui used Linong’s moment of infatuation to get away, running around the table and grabbing Xukun’s arm. The latter didn’t really even try to resist, letting himself get dragged across the room and pushed into Linong. 

 

“Please just solve your gay turmoil. My shift is over.” 

 

Linong wanted to tell him that no, his shift was not in fact over, but he just watched the aggressive midget walk out. It took him perhaps just a bit too long to realize that Xukun was swaying lightly, tugging at Nong’s sleeve with his eyes closed. 

 

“Hey mushroom… want some tea?”

 

He got a light nod in reply, so he sat him down on the bench and slid into the back, to brew up his favorite obnoxiously caffeinated tea. He had the tea flowers imported from Taiwan along with 3 crates filled with opium. They looked similar, near twins of eachother, so Nong hoped that he brewed the tea this time.

 

He got back with two cups of tea, to find that Xukun had already managed to practically fall asleep. Nong debated if he should move him, or wait to laugh at him when he fell off of the stool. After probably too much contemplation, he lifted Xukun up by his waist (he was tall, not heavy), and carried him into the storeroom. He set him down on one of the crates in the corner, carefully leaning him into the wall. He assumed no one was going to be coming in at 16.00 on a Monday. 

 

Linong wrapped Xukun’s hand around the mug, making sure he wouldn’t drop it before letting go. “Here, hold it.” Xukun raised his left hand and wrapped it around as well, raising the rim to his lips. 

 

“Thanks.” 

 

There was a moment of silence between them. Not necessarily uncomfortable, but just slightly off-putting. Linong sat down on the crate next to Xukun, gulping down his tea as well. It was not opium, fortunately. “Have you been getting enough sleep?” 

 

Xukun nodded, glancing down at his nearly drained cup. “Yeah, I have. I don’t know why I’m this tired.” 

 

“It’s alright, you’re just worn out.” He set his now empty cup down, reaching a hand to cup the side of Xukun’s face. “Look up, at me.” 

 

Xukun couldn’t help but obey. Linong’s voice was stern and unwavering, but remained soft and comforting. Comforting like the way his eyes formed into crescents when he smiled, the way he let his hand rest on Xukun’s head after a long week, the way his voice would fill with concern even if Xukun seemed the smallest bit off. Linong was comforting. Warm, kind, calm, (to Xukun, at least). 

 

Linong’s eyes were hooded and prominent, unlike Xukun’s which were wide and soft. 

 

“I love you. So much.” 

 

Xukun stared at him, in a mix of silent confusion and a sprinkle of shock.

 

“I just, really wish I could help you. So much more than I can right now. You always look so exhausted and.. I don’t know.. Numb? Even when you joke around, nothing reaches your eyes. I notice, and it hurts. Even when you smile most genuinely, it hurts because I know you could smile more.”

 

His languid fingers moved up to Xukun’s cheekbones, reaching to brush through his eyelashes. His mouth opened and closed, gaping like a fish. He flinched away when Linong’s thumb got close to his eye, shifting his gaze back down to his lap. He didn’t know what to say. Did he have anything to say? He wasn’t sure if he even should say anything. 

 

He was confused, but he knew he didn’t mind when he felt Linong’s lips over his own. He knew he didn’t mind when soft hands trailed up into his hair, and when he himself let his hands drift around shoulders broader and stronger than his own. He knew he didn’t mind when he felt his back press a bit too hard against the wall, because he knew he could push back. 

 

It felt safe. Linong felt safe. All strong arms, big smiles, crescent eyes, warm hands. Xukun felt like he could stop him, he wasn’t scared of fighting back or arguing. That small bit of power, an equal relationship, really skewed his feelings. 

 

“I love you.” His voice was hoarse and quiet, barely surpassing a whisper. Small, but significant.

 

Linong pulled away from him, silently staring at his face for a bit too long. It made Xukun nervous. Was that the wrong thing to say? Wrong time? Did he sound strange? He blinked away his thought, meeting Linong’s strong gaze. 

 

“You love me. I’m glad.. But trust, do you trust me?” 

 

Xukun didn’t even think it over, not caring about the weight of what he said in that moment. “I trust you, with everything. Please,” his vision was getting cloudy, but he could still see something glisten at the edge of Linong’s jaw. Was he crying? When had he started crying? 

 

But those questions didn’t really matter, none of his questions really mattered, because he felt hot tears slowly roll off his eyelashes as well. Xukun lifted an unsteady hand, wiping over the drying tears on Linong’s face. “I trust you. Take my life, make it your own. Whatever you need, just,” his voice shook and his pronunciation was all jumbled. “J-just, don’t leave me. Don’t let me go, don’t move on without me. I love you. I need you.” 

 

He heard a soft laugh leave Linong. “I won’t. I would never dare. It’s not about what I need. It’s about what you need. Because.. You’re missing so much. You could be leading a normal life, so easily. Maybe if there was one more rainy day, maybe if you went out for one more hour, you could have been happy. I just.. I want you to be happy. That’s all I need.” 

 

Xukun smiled. It was small, his lips together and eyes squinting up just a bit. “I’m happy enough. I can take it, as long as you’re here. If you tell me to be happy, I can be happy.”

 

“No, Xukun. Don’t let me tell you how to feel. You’re supposed to feel what your heart, your mind, tells you to feel. Don’t listen to anyone else, not even me.” 

 

He glanced down. His dark hair fell over his eyes, wispy and curling at the ends. 

_“Thank you.”_

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed an actual nongkun chapter for once, because this chapter could have been really dark instead, but i refrained
> 
> like always, i really enjoy comments, they make me feel better about myself uwu  
> but kudos or even just reading it is fine, thank you so much if you're sticking by me!


	14. waking up alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> haha bye bye zhengting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i hope that this chapter is at least a bit more on time. my area got hit by the hurricane so i really haven't had power or anything. i'm okay, just kinda bored and frustrated

Zhengting woke up alone. The blanket was cold, Xukun must have left a while ago. This was the, what, third time in a row? Zhengting knew he shouldn’t blame Xukun, the kid was just taking care of him, but he really didn’t like being alone. But what did it matter, anyways. He didn’t work today, it was fine. 

 

But dear lord it was freezing. It was bright and sunny outside, probably about midday, and the window was closed, but the bitter chill still seeped in through the walls. But this was fine, he could handle it. If anything, it was refreshing. It distracted him. 

 

Linong and Xukun had gotten very close. They had alway been friends, but now they were more than that. Zhengting should have been happy, and he was, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that Xukun had moved on from him. And he felt guilty for thinking at all negatively about this situation. 

 

He pulled the blanket tighter around himself, patting down his hair and curling up for much-desired warmth. The bed felt awkwardly big, though he was sure it was only meant for one person. Not that he would know much, spending his entire life cooped up inside a brothel. It was cold, and lonely, and Zhengting had far too much time to think. 

 

And all that thinking led to a decision. He had to leave. Xukun would be alright, Linong would take care of him. He’d even talk to Linong, just to be sure he could take care of Xukun. The kid needed to get out too, but in a different way. Zhengting knew that Xukun would definitely be upset, extremely so, but he’d get over it. He’d understand.

 

He used the edge of the mattress to pull himself up, staying still to wait out the jolt of pain that spread down his spine and around his ribs. It always hurt, but something about his own negative thoughts seemed to amplify that pain. 

 

The cold floor stung his bare feet, but he stood up anyways. Zhengting was about to grab another shirt from the small wardrobe they had, but is hand stopped at the edge of the closet door. He shouldn’t, he could deal with a bit of cold. It would be warmer downstairs, anyways. If anything, the chill was refreshing. In a constant heated argument with himself, the cold should help him cool down a bit. 

 

His hand dropped down, his nails, just a bit too long and dull from malnutrition, scraped against the wood softly as he turned away and headed down the stairs. 

 

There weren’t many people downstairs. Maybe a few people who only worked in the mornings, but besides that, most visitors still had work at this time. They primarily worked at night. 

 

Zhengting crossed his arms snuggly to his chest. Perhaps he should have taken the spare shirt after all. He saw Linong at the counter, Xukun clinging to his arm, half asleep. He hadn’t been noticed yet, but he didn’t mind. He was content to slide into one of the booths, resting his head back on the wood above the seat cushion. He stayed like that for a while, and he thought he even might have fallen asleep. But he wasn’t sure. Time seemed to tick by slowly, but not a frustrating slow. A peaceful, almost pretty, slow. Like a song. 

 

They used to have a small piano in the corner of the tavern, by the window. No one really knew how to play it, it was just there to make the space feel a bit more humane. Well, Xukun could play it. He had never really learned how to play it, not formally, but his church had one, and he had picked up on it growing up. It had been years, Zhengting didn’t know why he remembered this story. Xukun had asked to try and play once, when he was around six, and the pastor let him. He started to come by pretty often, just playing around it, and ended up getting pretty good, pretty fast. 

 

Zhengting had always thought the kid had a really good way with music. He could dance really well, back when they still danced, and had a really nice, even if not the strongest, voice. Zhengting felt a dull pain in his chest. He felt bad, planning to leave such a sweet, young kid behind. He couldn’t even say goodbye. Because God, he knew Xukun wouldn’t understand. The kid would fight, fight until all his energy was sapped. Zhengting realized he was just trying to make himself feel better, and realized how pathetic he was, but it helped. Just a bbit, but it helped. 

 

Zhengting was stirred from his thoughts by a tap on his shoulder. He sprung up, eyes opening up on instinct. He looked up, and,

 

“Oh. Linong.” 

 

“Zhengting.” 

 

Linong nudged onto the bench, pushing Zhengting into the wall gently. Linong seemed soft, but he was really crazy strong. It was almost terrifying. He could probably kill Zhengting in a blow if he ever wanted to. He really softened up around Xukun, but when the kid was around, he could get pretty cold. He had a bright smile, it seemed to amplify his emotion, like he was really shining. But it was that same amplification that made the serious look on his face terrifying. 

 

“What are you thinking.” 

 

He blinked up at Linong. Zhengting was tall, but Linong never seemed to stop growing. Even with only a few inches in difference, Zhengting felt like he towered over him. “I- I wasn’t really thinking.. But-” 

 

“But?” 

 

“I want to talk to you.” 

 

“Well, hurry up. My shift is over.” 

 

Zhengting couldn’t help the shiver that passed down his spine, watching Linong sigh in annoyance and cross his arms. “I just-” 

 

“Hurry up.” 

 

Zhengting took a deep breath. “You’ll take care of Xukun, right? You’re never gonna just, leave him? Promise me, Linong. I need to know he’ll be alright.” 

 

He could see Linong’s eyes light up at the mention of Xukun, his lips moving into a small smile. “I could never abandon him. I’ll take care of him, Zhengting, don’t worry. I’ll love him beyond death. I swear, I’ll still be thinking about him in my next life. Even if I really fuck up and end up being a caterpillar.” 

 

He smiled as well, reaching his right hand up, towards Linong. “Promise me.” 

 

Linong shook his head, but intertwined his fingers with Zhengting’s, squeezing firmly. “I promise.” After a moment, he loosened his grip and let his hand slide away, standing up. “I’m going now, make sure you eat.” 

 

Zhengting just nodded, watching him turn his back and pace away. 

 

***

 

“Are you sure you’re supposed to be here?” 

 

Zhengting looked up from his (now cold) rice porridge. He must have spaced out again. “Huh?” 

 

He met eyes with an unfamiliar face. He had sharp features. Slanted eyes, a pointed nose, a sly smile. But he didn’t seem cruel. Not yet, anyways. 

 

“What are you doing, just sitting here? Don’t you work here.” 

 

He blinked. “I don’t work today.” 

 

“Oh.. sorry.” 

 

Zhengting shook his head dismissively and picked his spoon up again, carefully stretching his lips over the tip. He had learned to eat rather slowly over the years. It made everything last longer, especially when he couldn’t rely on Xukun to wheedle leftovers out of poor unsuspecting visitors. 

 

“So what are you doing here?” 

 

The man looked to the side, tilting his head at a heavy-set, boisterous, and obviously drunk man. “I got dragged here by him. My co-worker. I don’t do this kind of thing, but I need to make sure he actually gets home. 

 

Zhengting nodded, his mouth forming into a small ‘o.’ “Funny, we got dragged here too.” 

 

The man blinked up at him. “What-” 

 

“It’s not important. What’s your name?”

 

“Zitao. You are?” 

 

“Zhengting.” 

 

“That’s a pretty name.” 

 

“Thank you. Yours isn’t pretty.” 

 

Tao laughed, nodding. “I have to agree with you. Now, what were you saying before. You’ve peaked my interest now, don’t leave me hanging like a bitch.” 

 

Zhengting spooned more porridge down his throat. “It really wasn’t important though.” 

 

“No, it was. Do you not choose to be here?” 

 

He snorted. “Of course not. If I wanted to be a prostitute, I’m sure I could at least find somewhere better.”

 

“Oh.. is it that bad?”

 

Zhengting brushed his bangs out of his eyes. His hair was only barely wavy, not like Xukun’s poodle hair mess. 

 

“Well, I don’t know anything else. My mother was a prostitute. I was really born into this. This boy though, Xukun, bless his heart. His father sold him into this.”

 

Tao blinked up at the kid.  “How old is the boy?” 

 

“Eighteen now,came here at thirteen. Lord, he was so small. Still needed braces.” 

 

He had never even thought about what happened when prostitutes get pregnant. And he had never even imagined the possibility of a parent.. Selling a child. “That- that’s not allowed.” 

 

“Oh?” Zhengting smiled lightly, “And who’s gonna stop it? It’s just life. It will keep on going like this, because tough luck, no one cares.” 

 

“You sound like you care about the boy.” 

 

“Funny, but I don’t matter.” 

 

Tao’s smile strained a bit, but he opted to ignore the statement. “Well why can’t you just walk out? Or try and sneak out, or something?” 

 

“Actually..” his voice dropped instinctively, even though no one was listening. “I do plan to leave. Soon as possible. It’s just, difficult. The guy at the front door wouldn’t let us through. And sure, we could find a way to run, but what would I do outside these walls? I’m not strong enough for any manual labor, I’m not educated.. I wouldn’t have food, a roof, money, anything. At least in here I get fed.” 

 

He nodded slowly. “Yeah, yeah that makes sense. You really couldn’t do anything else, I suppose. Then how are you leaving? As in, what are you gonna do?”

 

Zhengting pushed his finally empty bowl away, resting his arms down on the table, chin balanced on top. “That’s my business but.. I know what I’m going to do.”

 

The man’s smile softened. It still looked sly, especially paired with his sharp eyes, but Zhengting could see that he wasn’t a bad guy. Tao seemes genuine, actually interested. 

 

“I won’t pry. You said soon as possible, right?” 

 

He nodded absently, whisps of hair bobbing up and down at the crown of his head, sticking up from the static left by the seat back. 

 

“Well, then I’ll help you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk why i added tao honestly i saw a picture of him lookng hot and just poked him in there,,,
> 
> i hope you guys are still with me at this point lmao oof
> 
> thank you if you read this and i always appreciate comments, also i wrote some of this with a literal hurricane in the background feel free to point out any mistakes lmao 
> 
> love you <3


	15. life wasn't on his side. life wasn't on anyone's side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe i finally updated on time uwu
> 
> i wrote this chapter listening to way too much k-indie at 3 am so uh, there might be some errors oops  
> i'm sorry about this, i hope your heart can take it

Zhengting stood outside. He could count the number of times he’d been outside on his fingers. They opened the windows as much as possible, and tried to get as much sunlight in their rooms as they could, but it wasn’t a match for the real thing. It was freezing cold and Zhengting definitely wasn’t substantially dressed for this weather. Ths sky was dark, but not as dark as it could be. He could see light, violet hues taking form, as the moon dropped to the horizon. Did it shape become larger as it get closer to setting? Zhengting had never noticed it before. He hadn’t noticed a lot of things, and never would. 

 

The sky above was clear of clouds, and the stars twinkled freely above him. He knew each star had a place. He knew that much, at least. It was fascinating, they all had their own place, yet shined with so much independence and liberty. It was too bad. Zhengting knew his place, but he would never have that sort of freedom there. 

 

Snow clumped at the side of the bridge, now slick and dirty. All the beautiful snowfall from earlier that week had melted away, leaving behind the ugly traces. There was no hope for more snow that night. Those beautiful things always seemed to take a turn for the unlovely, once stripped away of their outer layers, and worn by time and environment.

 

Perhaps he himself was a bit like that snow. 

 

Zhengting sighed, his dark eyes staring at the small white cloud forming from his lips. He leaned against the rail in front of him, staring out at nothing. The water was dark and menacing, moving fast from the recent onslaught of precipitation. He could faintly make out the white fizz from when it swept over a rock, or scraped against the riverbank. 

 

It was pretty. Zhengting put two hands on the rail, leaning forward just the tiniest bit more. Yes, he told himself, it was pretty. This would be a good memory. He was doing this for the better, it was okay, it was fine. It was  _ fine _ . It wasn’t a big deal, he wasn’t a big deal. 

 

He lifted himself up, latching one leg over the railing, and then the other. And he just sat there, still staying balanced on the smooth, new wood. He sat like that for a while. He didn’t know how long, but by the time he came to realize he still hadn’t done anything, he could see the sun peak out at the horizon.

 

This was taking him to long. He shouldn’t think about it, he should just do it. Zhengting had already decided on this, why was it taking so long? 

 

He let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding, and pressed his eyes closed. He slowly shifted his weight forward. 

 

And as he rocked forward, Zhengting whispered quietly to himself, 

 

_ Three… Two… One. _

 

***

 

Chengcheng walked along the bridge. He liked walking here. It was devoid of people, especially at such an hour, and usually quite peaceful. He liked walking out sometimes, just staring at the 

water down below. 

 

It was usually slow, and at night, when it was dark and he couldn’t make out the murky blue-brown color, he liked to think it was just a huge river of molasses. Of course, tonight, it wasn’t slow at all. Rather, it was violent. As if all that power suppressed in months of patient, gentle movement, were suddenly unleashed in one night.

 

He usually liked bringing Justin up with him, he didn’t like being separated from him, but Justin was beaten and exhausted. All the kid wanted to do right now was sleep, and Chengcheng understood him. He was tired as well, but restless. 

 

He knew that no matter how long he lay there, he wouldn't be going to sleep. He’d be up, distracted by his own constant thinking. And he’d much rather go through those thoughts with the distraction of crisp, fresh air, and roaring water below him. 

 

The bridge would seem almost eerie, if he hadn’t been here so many times before. Alone in the dark, standing above looming, dark waters. 

 

Chengcheng cupped his hands over his mouth, breathing into them a few times. His freezing hands and chapped skin tingled, and the warmth spread down his spine. He continued walking, turning his head to the side opposing him instead. The sun was rising slowly, but surely. 

 

Surely, like it did every morning. Without fail, even after the longest, darkest nights, even during the sad, cloudy days, even when everything else seemed to be going wrong. The sun was always there, and would always be there.

 

The sky was turning from  shade of black to a light violet, and the tiniest slivers of orange even managed to slip through the golden and silver haze gathering at the horizon. It was still dark, but Chengcheng could see clearly now. Clearly to some extent. As it get brighter, mist gathered around him. And as much as he wanted to see everything, especially in this graceful, morning light, that wasn’t up to him. Some things were inevitable. No matter how much he wanted to have control over everything, be able to control the things that affected him, that was impossible. It would never be possible.

 

It was a painful reminder. Life wasn’t on his side. Life wasn’t on anyone’s side. Life came and went, did as it pleased. Some things,  _ some things just can’t be prevented. _

 

And as that thought echoed off his skull, he noticed something out of the corner of his eye. The form of a person, sitting on the bridge rail. It was a man. Chengcheng could only see his silhouette through the progressively thickening mist. 

 

For a while, the man didn’t move. But after a few moments, Chengcheng heard a quiet sigh. He inched forward. He wanted to approach the man, but also didn’t want to be noticed.Then, all of a sudden, the man moved.

 

His grip tightened, and the muscles in his arms pulsed. 

The closer he get, the more familiar he looked. 

Then, his shoulders hunched forward, and his center of balance shifted as he leaned down, towards the gushing water.

Chengcheng definitely knew this man.

His foot pressed against the metal bar beneath him, and he used the leverage to push himself forward. Slowly, slowly, pushing himself off the rail.

Then, Chengcheng realized. This was Zhengting.

 

And only after that, he finally realized,  _ exactly what was happening.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so uh, what do you think? i always love comments, please comment it motivates me :(
> 
> but like always, i appreciate people reading and still sticking with this story in the first place!  
> trust me, this is only the beginning of where the plot really starts rolling  
> i just, i hope you liked that chapter ig  
> i love y'all <3


	16. couldn't they understand? he didn't want to be here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> well this happened

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god i'm sorry it took me long, i just kinda got caught up and school and this wasn't my main focus, oof. i know i said my updates would be more consistent and i swear i'm trying, but :/  
> i hope you enjoy anyways

Zhengting felt an arm wind around his chest. It was painful. His shoulders strained with the remaining energy from jump, and the pressure was so bad, could barely breathe. He clawed desperately at the arm around his chest, pinning him back to the side of the bridge. Zhengting just wanted to die. This wasn't the time for some jerk to play hero. Couldn’t they understand?  _ He didn’t want to be here. _ He was ruined, He had gone far past the point of no return, and he had nothing left to stay for. Nothing left to hope for. 

 

His entire face burned as he was pulled up, under the railing and slammed down onto the walkway. Zhengting realized there was no point, but he still desperately clung to the arm trapped around him, choking on hot, painful tears. 

 

“Zhengting..” a small voice echoed from behind him. He felt himself be pulled up, pressed into a warm, sturdy chest. “Come on, Zhengzheng, cry it out.” 

 

Chengcheng gently tugged his arm away from Zhengting’s grasp, wrapping it low around his torso instead. With his other hand, he stroked up in down Zhengting’s arm firmly, almost encouragingly. The other’s shoulders shook violently as he dropped his head down. Loud, raspy sobs tore through him, ringing in the silent night. 

 

“Chengcheng y-you idiot. YOU FUCKING IMBECILE, I WANTED TO DIE. CAN’T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT? I WANT TO BE DOWN THERE, WITH MY HEAD SPLIT OPEN ON THE ROCK OR SUFFOCATING UNDER THE CURRENT. AND THEN YOU- Y-YOU,” he sniffed, the energy he used to yell already worn. “J-just.. Why, Chengcheng. Why save me.” His tears, hot in heavy, streamed down, dripping from his chin. Chengcheng felt searing drops on his hand and sleeve, but didn’t move away.    
  


Zhengting calmed down slowly. His choked sobbing quieted down, and he ran out of tears to shed. He sat there quietly, head tucked down and dark, messy hair hanging over his eyes. “Zhengting, I’m not gonna let you die. You wouldn’t let me die, right? Same thing.” His voice was quiet, barely audible, as he leaned close to Zhengting’s ear, rocking him back and forth slowly.    
  
Zhengting sniffed, stuttering out an inscrutable response. 

 

“Shh. Pipe down, I don’t understand you.” Chengcheng rested his head on Zhengting’s shoulder. “You’re not just giving up like this after staying strong for so long.” He reached the arm on Zhengting’s shoulder around his torso as well, holding him tightly to his chest. “And don’t try shit like this again, because I will kill you before you can kill yourself.”

 

Zhengting couldn’t stop himself from letting out a small giggle, though his ribs hurt from breathing too hard and his throat and eyes hurt from the forceful crying. 

 

Chengcheng smiled. “There you go, keep laughing. I’m gonna take you back to me and Justin’s place.” 

 

He sniffed in response. “Isn’t it a shack?” Chengcheng hummed back. “Are you saying you’re used to better?”

 

“..no.”

 

“So the chengstin shack it is.” Chengcheng slowly stood up, pulling Zhengting with him. He still really didn’t trust Zhengting enough to let go of him, not so close to the bridge’s edge, at least. “Let’s hurry up, or we’ll both get sick. If get sick I’ll get beaten, and I don’t want to break my record of five times in three days.” 

 

Zhengting let himself get dragged along, not commenting on the too-tight grip Chengcheng had around his wrist. “That wasn’t funny,” he retorted, but still smiled faintly. 

 

“Shut up.” 

 

“I’m your elder.”

 

“Does it really matter?” They walked side by side through the city, and ducked into an alley Zhengting wouldn’t have even noticed on his own. It was a short walk, shorter than from the brothel. Chengcheng led them into the small shack. It looked like it was made of scrap wood whatever other mildly sturdy material they found. It was beyond him how this structure could even keep rain out, but he wasn’t in a position to ask.

 

He finally let go of Zhengting to open up the combination lock over the clasp on the small door. He pulled the door towards him, motioning for Zhengting to go through first. He ducked through the enterance. The old carpet was welcome under his bare feet after he slipped off the pair of old slippers he had found somewhere in the brothel, as well as the warmth from the makeshift fireplace of stone and brick they had in the corner. 

 

“Do you really need the lock?” 

 

Chengcheng shrugged. “No, not really, but it makes us feel safer. Peace of mind, I guess. Stay quiet, Justin’s sleeping.”

 

“Not anymore.” Justin poked out from beneath a pile of worn blankets, rubbing his eyes. “What is Zhengting doing here?” 

 

“I’ll explain later, but he’s gonna stay here for now.” Justin nodded. He didn’t look confused, he seemed to trust Chengcheng completely. Zhengting couldn’t help the small smile that passed his lips.

 

“Will he fit in bed?”    
  
“We’ll make do. I’m gonna go run.. Back, and make sure they know Zhengting’s okay.” He looked to Zhengting, “You didn’t tell them, right?” 

 

“I didn’t.”

 

“Of course.” Chengcheng smiled reassuringly, seeing Zhengting’s nerves rise in the way he pulled his arms up across his chest. “I’m gonna run by and tell someone, alright? You guys go to bed.”

 

Justin nodded groggily, watching Chengcheng duck out with a small wave. “Zhengtiiing. Get in bed.” The youngest pushed forward onto his knees eagerly, reaching out to grab the other’s arm, before rocking back and pulling him down. Zhengting giggled, letting the kid maneuver him under the excessive amount of blankets. 

 

Just get back in bed himself afterwards, letting out a wearied but proud huff. He snuggled close to Zhengting’s side, going out like a light. 

 

In turn, Zhengting flopped onto his other side, facing the rickety wall.

 

***

 

Xukun moped at the bar table with some of that goddamn porridge and a glass of rice liquor he had convinced Linong into sparing him. He had already had a difficult customer. And then, when he looked for Zhengting, like he always would, he wasn’t there. He wasn’t anywhere. Didn’t tell anyone anything, he was just gone. 

 

He downed a fair half of the glass. It was too strong for him, it burnt his throat and left a stinging in his mouth. But he didn’t mind that, because right now, the distraction was welcome. Sure, he’d be happy for Zhengting if he left. But he’d want to know. Like this, Xukun didn’t know anything. For all he knew, he’d been murdered and thrown into some dark alley, and hadn’t left all. He was in the dark, and it felt horribly unsafe. 

 

He downed some more violent spoonfuls of porridge, before pushing it away again and resting his head on the table. Xukun was hungry, yet every few bites he’d get too nauseous to continue. He realized the alcohol wasn’t helping any, but that was different and he liked how it made him feel.

 

His peace was short-lived, shattered once he felt a hand on his upper arm. It was strong, and and pulled up. On wrong move, and maybe he’d fly into the ceiling. This wasn’t Xiao Gui’s hand. Xiao Gui would never touch him, and if he did he’s wear a glove, just to mock him. It wasn’t Yanjun’s hand either. Yanjun’s was light, short, and playful. It wasn’t Ziyi’s hand. Ziyi was strong, very much so compared to Xukun, but he didn’t show it like this. His touches were always soft and soothing. A gentle giant. 

 

It definitely wasn’t Linong’s hand. Linong’s grip was always strong, even a bit hurtful sometimes, but never truly painful or degrading. He was firm, in a way that Xukun loved. Just firm enough to keep him grounded, when his thoughts wandered too far or his emotions erupted. Personal enough to bring him back, relax him.

 

This was a customers hand. And they hardly acted like people. Why should they act like people, if they weren't going to treat Xukun as a person?

 

He didn’t even bother turning around. He shook his arm, trying to loosen the man’s grip, but his efforts were fruitless. 

 

A loud, boisterous laugh echoed from behind him, disrupting the regular stillness of the brothel this early into the morning. Xukun gagged. He could even smell the man’s breath from where he sat, strongly scented of stale alcohol and tobacco. “You’re one of the whores, aren’t you?” The man laughed again, shaking him back and forth by the arm. “Geez, I expected something more sturdy. You’d break from just three seconds under me!” He kept cackling, almost deliriously. Xukun had never liked drunk customers. At least when men were sober, they kept things simple. They get what they came for and went on their way. The drunk ones were unpredictable. They made choices on a whim, with no concern for anyone, including themselves and their lives. 

 

He took a deep breath, trying to suppress another gag from the too-strong and too-familiar smell. “Sir, I’m not working, please let go of me.” His voice was firm, even a bit authoritative. He wasn’t dealing with this. Not today, at least. 

 

The man paid no heed to his attempt. He laughed even harder, moving both his hands down to grip Xukun’s waist. He pressed down on bruises that were barely starting to heal, and it hurt. He struggled even more, reaching his hands down to push away the man’s grip. “I’m serious. I’m not doing anything with you,” he growled out, wrenching his body forward and turning around just quickly enough to knee the man in the groin.The man let go immediately, half doubling over. Xukun took the opportunity to run around behind the counter, just so he had some sort of barrier. 

 

“You..” he sneered, “You’re a brave little slut. Feel like playing games, huh? Sure, I’ll play with you.” He kept cackling through his slurred words, and Xukun was sure he had completely lost it. He reached out for Xukun from across the table, but Xukun had the time to move back in time, jumping back so violently he nearly hit the wall behind him.    
  
When he looked up, he realized he had gotten to distracted when he lost his footing. The man was drunk, but that meant he could act fast, because he didn’t think, he had grabbed the closest thing he saw. That just happened to be a half empty bottle of beer left at the table, that no one had bothered to clean up yet. And before Xukun realized it was coming, he felt a sharp sting on the side of his head. Alcohol mixed with blood trickled down his face, soaking through his hair and now getting into his left eye. It hurt, it hurt like hell. Glass shards fell from his hair and shoulders as he swayed, quietly clattering to the floor. The man himself looked shocked. He just stood there, frozen. 

 

Perhaps he was waiting for Xukun to pass out, but that wasn’t happening. He stepped forward slowly, leaning over the counter. The loud, ringing sound of skin meeting skin filled the empty room when the “whore’s” hand met the man’s cheek. Strong enough to bruise, and certainly strong enough to leave behind a bright, embarrassing red mark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for the record i hope no one read this story thinking that xukun was just kinda there to suffer. he still has a very strong sense of self and can be a salty little bitch like anyone else, he's still human y'all
> 
> i hope that was okay, i never proofread lmao  
> thank you for keeping with me, i love y'all   
> please comment it's the only joy i get out of life,  
> but kudos or even just read if it suits you! i love you guys just for reading!  
> -the chaotic author


	17. alright, i'll stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oof how late is this i can't even keep track
> 
> zhengting's okay y'all

Xukun sat on the counter with his eyes trained on Nong’s feet while the other attempted to wipe the blood from the roots of his hair. He had already rinsed it, so the drink washed away, but the bleeding hadn’t stopped. 

 

“Kunkun, I need to clean this.” 

 

He groaned, but nodded. He had neither the intent nor energy to object. 

 

“Shut up you pussy, it doesn’t hurt that bad.”

 

Xukun felt Linong’s warm hand leave his cheek for a moment as he turned back to get a rag and some alcohol. “You have a pretty bad gash, want to bite my hand?” 

 

He looked up and nodded, leaning forward and latching his teeth on the top of Linong’s outstretched hand. He crossed his legs and let Linong get closer, dropping his head down onto his chest.    
  
“You tired?” 

 

He hummed in response, but it was nearly muted by the hand. Linong chuckled under his breath and poured some rubbing alcohol onto a clean rag. He clicked the cap back on and lifted it to gently dab at the cuts dotting Xukun’s scalp. 

 

Xukun hissed, his teeth clamping down hard on Linong’s hand. His own gripped the edge of the table, so aggressively his knuckles were paling. He felt tears prick at his eyes. He hated how easily he cried. It just stung, after all, it was nothing worse than all the shit he had done before. 

 

Linong broke the silence after he was finished, “Hell, do you have fangs or some shit? Ow.”

 

Realizing he still had his teeth digging into Linong’s hand, he let go. His cheeks flushed lightly from embarrassment, but he giggled. “I’m sorry, Nong.” He sat up, uncrossing his legs and letting them swing below him. 

 

“Don’t worry, you’re not that strong.” He grinned, leaning in closer to Xukun.

 

The latter scoffed, and pushed him away, though Linong didn’t miss the adoring smile Xukun hid behind his palm. The boy’s face lit up, and he grabbed the rag from Linong’s hand, running to the back of the tavern. Linong laughed, and chased after him. Xukun was faster than Linong thought he’d be. He had no idea where this sudden burst of energy could have come from. 

 

He chased Xukun around for a fair amount of time, until he finally manage to corner him behind the counter. Xukun, looked around for an escape, but Linong wouldn’t let him slip through this time. He latched onto his waist and hitched him up. Xukun, opting to not fall down, looped his hands around Linong’s neck and clung just as tightly, letting the taller spin him around. 

 

Xukun laughed brightly, and Linong swore his eyes were anything but empty as he clamped his legs around his waist, pulling himself closer than should’ve been necessary. 

 

“Feeling clingy, baby?” 

 

Xukun giggled, “Am I your baby now?” His hair, frizzy and damp from the rough cleaning, fell over his eyes sloppily. Linong set him down on the bar, but neither released their grips on eachother. Gently, he brushed Xukun’s hair back, and leaned forward to connect their lips. Xukun reacted almost immediately, moving his lips and pushing back. As fragile as he was, he refused to be weak. When he saw an opportunity to get some control back, he went for it. Linong found it endearing, and Xukun was lucky for that. 

 

He let his hands trail up to Linong’s short hair, tugging at what he could grab. Linong pulled back and took a shallow breath, before he continued to trace his lips down to Xukun’s jaw. Xukun breathed heavily, and slipped one of his hands beneath Linong’s shirt.. His face was red and not just from lack of air. He pressed it into Linong’s shoulder and screwed his eyes shut, feeling Linong trail wet kisses down to his collarbone.

 

He eventually pulled away, and Xukun could feel his gasps tickling the left side of his face. He could feel his abdominal muscle flexing under his hands, and god it was satisfying. Like Linong was  his, like he was special. Linong moved back up and faced Xukun, leaving a short and sweet kiss on his lips. “You were always my baby.”

 

Xukun laughed drunkedly and leaned forward, just as they heard (and felt, on Xukun’s part) a knock on the table. His gaze drifted away from Linong, to find Chengcheng leaning against the bar. He gulped, “H-how long have you-”

 

“Too long, far too long in my opinion.”

 

The hand in Linong’s hair fell, and Xukun turned around to face Chengcheng instead. “So why are you here?” 

 

“I found Zhengting. I thought you’d like to know.”

 

Xukun jerked forward, eyes widening. His hand caught on Linong’s shirt awkwardly as he almost fell off the table when his knee slipped. “So he’s okay? Where is he?”

 

Chengcheng walked over, nodding. “I left him with Justin, I don’t wanna bring him back.”

 

Xukun sighed in response, carefully sliding off the counter. Linong reached a discrete hand to the small of his back, helping him stay steady. Not that he didn’t trust Xukun to not be a complete fuck up, but his coordination tended to be iffy. 

 

He threw himself at Chengcheng, who struggled to not fall over as the older boy clung to him tightly, rocking him back and forth. “What happened? How’d you find him?” 

 

Chengcheng reached a hand up to pat Xukun’s back, hesitating to speak. “I found him.. I found him trying to jump off the bridge.” 

 

This was followed by a long period of silence. He didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t see Xukun’s face, it was buried in his shoulder. Chengcheng looked up at Linong helplessly, who was staring back at him wide-eyed. He was about to move away, when he felt Xukun start violently shaking, and heard muffled choking noises that made his stomach churn. It was his turn to rock Xukun back and forth, holding him carefully.

 

“Shh, it’s okay Kunkun. Zhengting’s safe. He’s warm, in bed. Justin’s clinging to him like a koala, he’s not going anywhere.” Xukun nodded, but his shoulders still jerked and his tears were dampening his sweater. At that point, he decided to pass Xukun over to Linong, who happily gathered him up in his arms. 

 

Chengcheng slowly backed away. This was time he could be sleeping, and as much as he cared for Xukun, he wanted to get going. The young couple didn’t even notice that he left. 

 

Xukun felt Linong’s warm chest under him, and his strong arms holding him tight. He couldn’t help but cry harder, helplessly clinging on to Linong’s shirt. It was his fault. They were so close. He should’ve noticed, should’ve stopped it from even happening. Shouldn’t have ever let himself get distracted, too distant. “It-it’s my-” he didn’t even have the strength to finish, retching on his own words.

 

Linong only held him closer, whispering sweet nothings into his ear, telling him it was okay, it wasn’t his fault, Zhengting would be better off anyways. And Xukun hated to admit that it helped, he could feel himself calming down.    
  


Though he sniffed away his tears, his heartbeat remained erratic and the shaking just wouldn’t let up. 

 

“Breathe, baby, it’s okay to breathe.” 

 

He nodded again, stiffly, taking a deep inhale in through his nose. “I’m- I’m okay. Sorry I’m such a crybaby.”

 

No he wasn’t, and Xukun could see right through him. But he decided not to comment on it. “It’s okay. Crying is good, get your feelings out. Okay? How about we get you in bed, huh? The sun just rose, you should get some sleep.”

 

“Yeah.. yeah.” He leaned into the little kiss Linong left on his forehead and let the taller hoist him up, carrying him up the stairs. Xukun sighed as he get dropped into his bed. It was cold, lonely. So as Linong turned to walk away, he grabbed his jacket. Xukun stared up at him with big, pleading eyes he couldn’t ignore.

 

“Stay?”

 

Linong sighed, but a small smile graced his lips. He sat down on the edge of the bed, watching Xukun struggle to keep his eyes open.

 

“Alright, I’ll stay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy black friday? it's really late and i'm tired and in pain but hello uwu
> 
> please comment, it really gives me so much joy to know that people are still reading and enjoying
> 
> but feel free to just kudos or even just read, i'll understand!  
> oh yeah and i am actually working on a new nongkun au, the concept is also a bit dark and mature but the entire story is just fluff tbh. just normal human interaction and recovery no serious drama. idk if i should wait to finish this story or start posting it?
> 
> man life hurts sometimes úwù
> 
> -your favorite chaotic author


	18. the open arms of sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is just soft idk what else to say about

Justin groaned when he felt Zhengting move around for the nth time that night. He was usually a pretty heavy sleeper, having to deal with years of Chengcheng’s soft snoring, but Zhengting moved so much he hadn’t gotten more than a few minutes. “God, how did Xukun deal with you? If you don’t stay still I’m going to push you off.”

 

Justin was a tired, pissy teenager who just wanted some rest tonight. He still had to work the next day. 

 

Zhengting sighed heavily, and perhaps Justin felt just a bit bad. “I’m sorry. I’ll try.” He sat up and shifted back, his knees to his chest and his back against the wall. Justin looked up at him, his lips set in a small pout and his eyes wide, like a puppy. “Zhengting, you’re feeling bad.”

 

His voice came out muffled behind his knees. “Thanks, you’re a genius.” 

 

“Zhengzheng..” Justin’s frown deepened, and he climbed up the bed to lean his side up again Zhengting. “What’s bothering you so much?” His question was met with another low sigh. Zhengting shifted his legs, guiding Justin down to lay against his chest.  

 

“You don’t need to know about it.” He threaded his hand through Justin’s hair, carefully working through the numerous tangles. The opera boys were supposed to keep their hair short, so he didn’t know what Justin was doing with his hair so shaggy. “I’m not innocent either, you can tell me.”

 

“Don’t worry about me. I’m just anxious about.. How Xukun will fare alone. He’s never been without me.”

 

Justin tries to tilt his head up to look at Zhengting, but only manages to stare at the ceiling with the other’s hand in his hair. He knows that’s not all, he’s not stupid or gullible, but he decides to let it go for now. “Okay..” 

 

Justin slowly drifts off like that, listening to Zhengting’s muffled heartbeat and near-silent breathing. Zhengting managed to get a few winks of rest throughout the night, but could never stay asleep for very long. He was content to just watch Justin sleep. To feel the boy’s heat on top of him. It was relaxing for him, to feel another living being cuddled up next to him. He felt unsafe, even insecure, without it. Too out in the open. He had lived his whole life sharing a bed, and had resented it. Zhengting didn’t want anything else. 

 

He could see the sky brighten through the small gap between the top of the door and the corrugated metal lining the wall. Zhengting sighed, and pulled the covers further up over Justin’s shoulder, shifting his weight and sliding down into his pillow. It had already been a few hours, and he heard footsteps outside, assumedly Chengcheng’s. 

 

He heard a click, and the door creaked open, revealing the kid. Chengcheng’s footsteps were soft as he walked in, and he even closed the door gently. Zhengting didn’t sit up, but only listened to those light footsteps, and then felt the mattress dip next to him.

 

“Did you sleep at all, Zheng?” 

 

Zhengting shook his head, and Chengcheng sighed. He leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss to the hair covering Zhengting’s forehead. “Alright.”

 

***   
  


Yanjun woke up to soft footsteps and the creak of his door. “Zhangjing?” He sat up, squinting in the dim light. It was daytime, but it was a cloudy day. 

 

“No.. no, it’s me. Sorry.” Xukun carefully sat down next to Yanjun on the mat. “I’m too scared on my own, and Linong had to leave.” 

 

Yanjun sighed. He was never the closest with Xukun, who was always by Zhengting’s side, but he was still like his older brother and felt some responsibility to take care of him. “Alright, it’s okay. How was Andy? Did he get angry?” 

 

Xukun shook his head. “Not really. He just asked me if I knew anything, so I said I didn’t. He gave me a smack for hitting a customer, but nothing bad. He seemed upset, not mad. He just hit me over the head and told me to be more careful.” He hugged his knees, pressing his face down into them. “Didn’t even hurt,” he mumbled. 

 

“Well he doesn’t want you dead, especially now that one of us has left. I don’t think that old geezer will keep it up for very long anyways, not with how much he drinks and smokes. He’ll hit the dust in a year at most.”

 

Xukun chuckled, turning his head. “What will happen to us then?”   
  


Yanjun shrugged. “Could be nothing. The place just gets a new owner. Or we could leave.. but,  what would we even do out there? It’s not like we know how to do anything else. Hell, you can’t even read. We’d end up back to somewhere like this anyways. At least here is familiar.” 

 

The younger frowned. He didn’t like this sentiment, but he understood it. “Couldn’t Zhangjing help you?”

 

“Would he really? Sure, we mess around here but.. I don’t know. I’d be a burden.” 

 

“Zhangjing wouldn’t mind,” Xukun stated concretely, “He loves you, doesn’t he? And you could find a job too, eventually. I’m of it.”

 

“Oh? Do you really still believe in love?”   
  


Xukun looked up at Yanjun through his bangs. His eyes were big, and his skeletal figure made them even more exaggerated. He ate the most out of all of them, but remained the thinnest by nature. “Of course I do. If I don’t believe in love, every one of my beliefs will just fall apart.” His hand drifted to his necklace, gently wrapping around the wooden cross half-covered by his shirt. “Mama loves me, at least.” 

 

Yanjun couldn’t help but smile. It all sounded idealistic to him, but he wasn’t so cold as to remain unaffected by Xukun’s faithful innocence. “Yes she does.” 

 

Xukun’s grip loosened, and he carefully slipped the cross back beneath his shirt. Well, now two layers of shirts. In colder seasons, he only dressed down when he needed to work. Yanjun spaced out, staring at the fraying end of his sleeve. Too long to be three-quarter, but just two short to fully cover his arm. When he had been little, it was the opposite. Shirts to big for him, to the point where one could end up seeing everything but his hands. He could easily make out heavy bruises clustered around his wrists. Mostly blue and purple. The colors faded to yellow, even some green as it trailed up his arms, where there were less of them.

 

He came to when he felt a slight tugging at his blanket. “You need something?” 

 

“It’s too cold. Your room is far from the heater.”

 

“You wanna move?” Yanjun rocked forward onto his knees, slowly getting up. He wrapped his blanket around himself like a cape, helping Xukun get up. Xukun, in turn, took his arm and led him into the hallway. Yanjun found himself pushed down, up next to the gas heater. It almost looked like a strange cabinet or bench. It was all metal and stood on four legs, with the main body composed of curved, holed metal. It was more of a space heater, but it did something. 

 

He watched Xukun rush off, then shuffle back into the hallway with his own blanket wrapped around his shoulders. He curtly plopped down, snuggling in next to Yanjun to take up a spot by the heater. And like that Xukun finally managed to fall asleep, warm and not feeling so terribly empty. Zhengting was safe, and no one was badly hurt, he just needed to calm down his anxieties. Yanjun followed suit soon after, letting himself sink down against the wall and letting his head fall onto Xukun’s shoulder.    
  


"Goodnight," he whispered to no one, greeting the open arms of sleep.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you thank you for reading~
> 
> please please leave comments they're what keep me encouraged. currently i'm working on another nongkun story, and i also have a plot written out for another (long) zikun oneshot. would you like the oneshot after this story ends, or sooner?
> 
> also, I know a lot of people are having exams, so good luck to everyone! study hard!


	19. my strong, beautiful mother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for the record, in this xukun doesnt keep hold of his religion because he's a particularly devout christian. he's keeping hold of it because it reminds him of is mother hand his home
> 
> enjoy the chapter

Xukun woke up to a hand shaking his shoulder, and a soft call of his name. He recognized both the firm touch and the voice, and didn’t bother responding. Instead, he rolled over in the bed, tugging the covers up over his eyes. He frowned at the way the mattress pressed up against his weight. He had fallen asleep in one of the service rooms again. He felt a bit gross, but in all honesty, cleanliness nor modesty were in the job description.

 

“Come on, you need to go down and eat. There’s no time for this.” Linong pulled the heavy blanket out of Xukun’s grip, and sat him up. He grabbed his discarded clothes from the floor, carefully layering Xukun’s too-many shirts onto him. 

 

His request was met with a low whine from Xukun, who flopped back down on the mattress after getting dressed.  He was still tired, really tired. His clients, if they paid enough, really didn’t have a time limit, and with Zhengting gone, the workload was close to the same as it had been when he was out of commission. He rolled back over, hugging Linong’s hand to his chest and curling up again.

 

Linong couldn’t help the fond smile that escaped him, watching his man curl up around him. Reluctantly, he shook him off, and attempted to drag him out of the bed. “I know you’re tired, but your mother’s here.” 

 

At that, Xukun was awake instantaneously. In fact, he was too awake for Linong to stop him as he bounded out and nearly fell down the stairs. He enveloped his mother in a tight embrace before she even saw him. Linong smiled fondly as he watched, carefully making his way down the narrow stairs. They were a cute pair. Linong really did see their resemblance, in both looks and demeanor. Though, Xukun’s mother was a great deal shorter than hm. The one thing he seemed to have gotten from his father was height, for better or for worse. Not to say he was insanely tall, but given the mild malnutrition he had been raised on, it was impressive. 

 

Xukun rocked his mother back and forth, holding the back of her neck protectively. “Mama, you came back.”   
  


She laughed at him, “Of course I did. I promised, didn’t I?” 

 

He looked like he was considering for a moment, but then he nodded curtly, and led her to sit down. “Did you find somewhere to stay? Somewhere safe?” 

 

“Mhm.” She sat down gracefully, maintaining her proper appearance. “I’m staying in a hostel until I can find a place. But I think I’ve found an apartment already, so it should be fine. Don’t worry, it’s all safe. And I managed to get a job too. I’m just going to be working in a small boutique that happened to need an employee.”

 

Xukun beamed. Linong felt a pang of jealousy, because he was finally seeing life in Xukun’s eyes and it wasn't his own doing. Then, he felt guilt, because he shouldn’t be getting jealous of his boyfriend’s mother. 

 

“I’m glad, mama.”

 

She nodded, reaching out to take his hand in hers. Xukun had feminine hands, they looked exactly like his mother’s. “Are you okay, though? I’m your mother, I should be worrying about you, not the other way around,” she glanced down at her knees, her free hand resting on the light green fabric of her qipao dress.  “I’ve been gone for so long. I didn’t get to see you grow up. And now you’re an adult, already.” 

 

Xukun shook his head, squeezing her hand. “No, no, I will always be a child with you, Mama, okay? I’m alright.” His smile get a bit strained. “I’ve done this for.. How long? Five years? Don’t worry now, I can take care of myself here.” In truth, it had gotten easier to just take everything, but the customers get more violent as he get older. As he get to the ages of 17, 18, they lacked the decency to give him any pity at all. It had gotten easier to manage, sure, but he would never get used to this kind of work. 

 

“You shouldn’t have to,” she remarked sadly, “You shouldn’t have been here at all.”

 

He shook his head. “You’re blaming yourself. Don’t. It’s not your fault, it’s his, and you know that. What happened happened, we aren’t changing it now. And,” he lowered his voice, “I don’t think I’m staying here much longer either. I can’t stay. Not now that.. Now that there’s something outside of this brothel for me. Now that I’m not too scared of being alone out there. Now that I’m not too scared of ending up back here.” He wiped the tears off his mother’s cheeks, he, himself smiling. “Don’t stress over me. I’m safe.”

 

Suddenly, the look in her eyes changed, and she slapped his hand away, whipping her head up. “How could you say that?! I’m not delusional! Every one of those men, every one of those godforsaken men could hurt you, hurt you so bad, if you did the slightest thing wrong. No..” her tone quieted, now scarily soft, deceivingly docile. “Not even. Maybe they just feel like hurting someone. They could do so much to you, they could fucking kill you if they really felt the urge. How do you think I feel, as your mother, knowing that, and hearing you say you’re safe. Are all your words empty? Are you just trying to make me feel better?” 

 

Xukun stared, unsure of how to react. Tears pricked at his eyes, and he could only shy away from the eye contact, staring down at their still intertwined hands. He shook his head, choking on his words as he tried to speak. “N-no, they’re not empty. But I am trying to reassure you. Please don’t stress about me, it only makes me feel worse. I feel responsible, as your son. By this age, I should be starting to take care of you, yet look where I’ve gotten.” 

 

His mother sighed. “This conversation is useless, we’re both upset.” She reached across the table, sliding over a little container wrapped in a grey cloth. “I brought baozis.” 

 

“Did you- did you really?” 

 

“Of course.” She patted his cheek. “You’re too thin, what was I supposed to do with you. I want my fluffy baby boy back.”

 

He laughed, unwrapping and opening up the container. He handed a pair of chopsticks to his mother, setting the set of buns in between them. She nodded at him to start eating, and he didn’t protest.

 

While he wolfed down any food he get, his mother was rather traditional. She was more dignified and neat. So, she watched him eat as she took small bites at her own food, a soft smile gracing her features. Her eyes caught on something poking out from beneath his shirt, dark and wooden. 

 

“You still wear it?” 

 

Xukun looked up, “Hm?” 

 

“The cross, you still wear it.”

 

His fingers inched up to the leather string around his neck, tracing them down the necklace to the cross. “Yeah, I do. It reminded me of you… it made me feel safer, I suppose.” He paused, taking a final bite of his food. “And no, the irony of me wearing it here is not lost on me.”

 

“Kunkun.” 

 

“Yeah?” 

 

She put her chopsticks down as well, pulling him into another tight embrace. She brushed his fingers along the base of his neck, and whispered into his hair, “You’re a good son, Xukun. Such a good son. My strong, handsome son.”

 

Xukun smiled. “My strong, beautiful mother.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm begging you please comment what you think, i crave attention :(
> 
> thank you for reading! the struggling author is still busy with school and working on other stories, sorry for the terrible schedule and short chapters :((
> 
> I have to be up in literally three hours, what am i doing wih myself


	20. so you.. regularly eat paper, then

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> xukuns kind of dumb, i think he's been stuck inside a tad too long  
> guess your braincells leave with your virginity. no holding hands until marriage, kids

They had later moved to a booth closer to the fireplace, when Xukun had started shivering again. Linong had joined, and Yanjun had squeezed his way next to him some time later. Xukun, who had been woken too early, had fallen asleep again, curling up on the maroon cushion with the side of his head leaned down against his mother’s thigh. He made himself small, pressing his knees to his chest. His mother didn’t seem particularly upset about him missing out on their now rather mundane conversation, leaving him to rest. 

“His hair is off,” she muttered, interrupting a long silence that had settled once Yanjun started eating. Linong looked up, a mild heat crossing his cheeks from the thought that she might have noticed him staring at her son. “His hair? In what way?” 

“It’s off. He always had my hair growing up, it was always straight. Now it’s gotten textured, and lighter. It’s more of an off-black now.” She weaved her hands through the tangles in his hair slowly, proving her own point.

Linong could only shrug, looking back down at his hair. “I don’t really know. I’ve never noticed his hair changing. I thought it always looked like that.” 

He heard the soft clinking of wood when Yanjun dropped his spoon, and then his deeper voice replacing Linong’s. “It’s probably just because of what he eats. He’s been eating the same meals for years, it’s lack of nutrients. I don’t know about texture, but that’s why his hair’s lighter.”

Linong stared at him, and the other met his gaze with an exposed tongue. “Wasn’t your dad a doctor, shouldn’t you know this?” Yanjun sent him a sly look, and focused back in on his soup. 

“Yeah, he was a doctor. I was also ten. Your point?” Linong scoffed, “Why are you here again, shouldn’t you be sucking Zhangjing’s dick or something?” Yanjun’s expression stayed blank. “No, he sucks mine.”

Xukun’s mom abruptly coughed, ripping them out of their little clashing gay bubble. “Can you two not discuss this here,” she noted sternly, moving her hand down to settle on the arm Xukun had wrapped around his knees. They bowed their heads like scolded schoolchildren, nodding in unison.

She only smiled at them, squeezing Xukun’s arm a bit when she felt him shifting. She locked eyes with Linong. “Where is the other boy? Zhengting?” 

Linong blinked, shaking his head. “He left but, it’s complicated… He’s with the two boys from the opera. Justin and Chengcheng-” Yanjun interrupted him. “He tried to kill himself. No need to hide it. Chengcheng found him in time, and he’ll be okay.”

The woman’s eyes saddened, and Linong felt his heart strings twinge in pain, because he could see Xukun’s face in hers. “Ah, okay. That’s…. Alright, as long as the boy’s okay.”

Linong smiled and nodded back, eyes crinkling up into those iconic little crescents. “He’ll be better off.” 

She smiled back and nodded. Their conversation was disturbed by a quiet mumbling, and they all looked down at Xukun. His mother laughed, and it was eerily similar to Xukun’s own. “Oh my, so he still talks in his sleep?”

“Yes,” Yanjun grumbled, “And he’s no less snarky in his sleep.”

“I’m no less what?” Xukun’s voice was quiet as he spoke up, still refusing to open his eyes or even move. 

“No less nothing, go back to sleep.” His mother interrupted, pushing his head back down when he tried to lift it up. He groaned in retort, but complied easily. He was either too drowsy, or just didn’t have the heart to. 

“I’m fine, I can’t sleep anymore.” He turned onto his back, finally blinking his eyes open to stare up at the ceiling. Dark, faded wood, accented with the dark maroon of the walls and sensual gold paint, chipping away at the edges. He wasn’t sure how much the establishment made, but it surely wasn’t impoverished. He sighed, glancing up at Linong over the table. “What time is it?”

“You have time, don’t worry.” Linong’s smile was gentle and sincere, much gentler than even Xukun was used to seeing him.

Xukun couldn’t help but smile back, nodding lightly.

***

“You again!” 

The man raised an eyebrow at Xukun, but nodded. “You remember customers?” He stripped his coat off, draping it over the doorknob, and left his bag on the plush chair by the bed. The rooms weren’t all the same, and Xukun liked this one best. No cold greys, medical whites, harsh blacks, all warm tones and soft, heavy fabric. Of course, the sheets were still that off-white color, for easy cleaning, but the duvet (now half pushed under the bed) matched the aesthetic too. It was the smallest, the very last room in the corner of the hallway. 

“Yes.” He looked back down, brushing his hands over the long fabric of his shirt. He had gotten a good day so far, he hoped God wouldn’t be so cruel as to switch it around on him. The man leaned down by the leg of the bed, lifting up the chestnut colored pillow laying sadly on the carpet.The sheets were messy, bunched up around his legs, and the two pillows had made their way to bizzare ends of the room by this point today. He sat down on the bed beside Xukun, nudging the pillow between the boy and the headboard. “Long day?” 

“Not particularly, I’m perpetually tired.” Xukun pushed himself up, tugging the blanket up along with him. 

“Mm. How many men today?” He pulled a little candy out of his bag, placing it in Xukun’s hand. Through the thin paper wrapper, Xukun could tell it was chocolate. 

“Just 2. Well now, 3. Is this wrapper edible?” 

The man sent him in incredulous look. “Kid, since when are wrappers edible?” 

Xukun blinked up at him. “I thought you just couldn’t eat the plastic ones.”

“So you..” The man reached down, unwrapping the chocolate for him and placing it back. “Regularly eat paper, then?”

“People don’t regularly give out candy in a brothel, sir. And paper is made from trees, isn’t it? You can eat bamboo shoots, bamboo’s a tree.” 

“So you know how paper’s made, but didn’t know you don’t eat it?” He chuckled, crumpling the paper up and dropping it to the ground. “That’s cute.”

“I’m tired,” he grumbled, popping the chocolate in his mouth, chewing languidly. The man watched him, unbuttoning his western-style suit with scary dexterity. He quickly stripped his pants as well, settling down over top of Xukun. 

“Your hair’s messy, do you even shower in between?”

“Just fuck me,” Xukun breathed out, kicking the sheets down to his ankles and sliding down the mattress.

“This is still disgusting,” he commented vaguely, tracing a hand down to Xukun’s thigh.

Xukun stayed silent, pressing his hands up against the man’s bare chest. 

“I know what you’re thinking. I’m disgusting too. But disgusting men like me keep hopeless boys and girls like you alive.” 

He could practically hear the man grin, even when he closed his eyes. His breath was hot on his cheek, and smelled vaguely of nicotine and ginger. But, the man wasn’t wrong.

They finished up quickly, like before, but quickly didn’t usually entail any level of benignity, even with a nicer client. In the least, the man had the decency to bring the covers back over him afterwards, even tucking the pillow back under his head. 

“You were just in me, no need to be so nice,” Xukun mumbled, never having learned to be very good at accepting compassion. 

The man just smiled at him, though it wasn’t necessarily soft, and pulled his pants up. “You’re human, aren’t you? So I’m treating you with basic humanity.” 

Xukun chuckled tiredly, rolling onto his side. “Am I human? Maybe five years ago, but now I’m just a thing, right? I’m not even a doll, dolls wouldn’t have so many bruises.” 

His statement was answered by strong fingers pinching his cheek, tugging with amusement. “No, you’re far too talkative to even be an animal. Only humans are capable of being so annoying.” 

It was an insult, sure, but something about that statement made Xukun feel warm. A client was actually acknowledging him, and for something other than sex. “Ah.”

After the man got his shirt back on, he lifted his bag up, sitting down in the chair himself. “I wouldn’t do something dangerous to help you, but if someone does, I have a restaurant on Guijie. Called Southern Garden. I’m not gonna take care of you, but if you need a job, it’ll be there. You have enough experience with customers, anyways. Maybe this will make my next life a tiny bit better, for all I’ve sinned.”

With that, the man stood up, and left Xukun with a soft, only slightly degrading pat on the head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do you trust the man? i haven't decided if i do. i don't have many twists
> 
> as always, kudos but especially comments bring me joy ^^  
> I wasn't even gonna update because I had so much work, but I'm glad I pumped this out  
> good luck with exams, everyone!


	21. all of this, it destroys me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so um oops this is like three weeks late haha  
> how are everyone's exams going??

“Could he just die already.” 

 

“I’m not letting you kill anyone, Xukun.” Linong set a mug down in front of Xukun, a small clink echoing in the empty space. It had reached the early hours of the morning. The sun hadn’t quite risen, but the sky glittered a pretty lavender and the clouds at the edges of the sky were starting to become visible through the small little window high up above Xukun’s bed. “Drink, it will heat you up.”

 

Xukun stubbornly pushed the mug away from him, and let his head fall down onto his layered arms. “Linong, I’m going. I don’t know what I was so scared of before. I just, I can’t believe I really just stayed idle so long.” 

 

Linong sighed, reaching over to pull the blanket up over Xukun’s knees. “You worry too much. You haven’t died, you aren’t mutilated. You can still go back now.” 

 

He could only stare. Xukun’s wide, dark, and uncomfortably eyes bore holes into Linong, as the poor boy mulled over his words, tracing back and trying to pick out what he said wrong. There was a light tug in his chest. He didn’t like upsetting Xukun.

 

“I don’t know why I expected you to understand, but..” tracing a hand over the soft blanket, Xukun turned his head away from Linong. It was dismissive, and would have made the situation seem like nothing but petulance if it weren’t for the pricks of guilt building up in Linong’s core.    
  
“Do you really think I’m the same, Chen Linong? Do you think that I would have been no different, if I had just ran away in that first year here and let myself die? Haven’t I changed?” He squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself desperately not to tear up. Unfortunately, he had always cried easily. “Are you saying that when I was just a kid, 13, 14, I was such a whore? Admit it, that’s what I am. I’d suck someone off for a nice meal. Maybe not even a nice meal, just anything with actual meat.” He kept rambling, on and on through fluctuating chokes and tears, “Hell, I’d do a lot worse. Back then, when I was young, maybe I still had hope. Maybe I could’ve still gone back to normal. I’m so goddamn fucked up, Linong.” 

 

Paired with the aggressive tone and a pointed, teary look, Linong’s name sounded like more of an insult.

 

“Fucked up, in so many ways. Even if I find another place in life, how am I supposed to adjust? I won’t know what to do, this is how I grew up. God, I should have just ran away and been a normal prostitute. None of this brothel bullshit, I’d keep the money I made.” He dropped his head down pensively, not even bothering to look back at Linong.

 

“But that would be unfair, wouldn’t it? How much money did my father get out of me? People are expensive, right? They should be a lot more expensive than livestock, at least. Now what if I left? Would that money my father got get taken back?” 

 

“Xukun… you don’t love your father.” Linong tentatively sat down on the bed next to the other boy, inching closer until he could feel Xukun’s ankle against his thigh. 

 

“I don’t,” he agreed, “but he lived in the same house as my mother, no? And I care about my mother. I care a lot. It would’ve been selfish of me to run, since god knows what that would mean for my family. How are farmers supposed to pay anything back? With my dad too.. He uses money just as it reaches his hands. A total maniac.” Xukun heaved a sigh, wiping at his eyes and letting himself lean up against Linong. Linong was a lot taller than him. Perhaps if he ate better, he could get taller too. Xukun wanted to get taller.   
  


“I had a reason but, please.. Don’t say it as if I chose this because it doesn’t affect me, and doesn’t hurt me. Linong, this,” he gestured vaguely, “all of this, it destroys me.”

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think.” Linong mumbled softly, taking Xukun’s arms and wrapping them around his own torso. Xukun responded by tightening the grip, and pushing them both down onto the mattress. He rolled himself on top of his lover, staring down with teary eyes. His dark, just-a-bit-too-long hair obstructed his vision, and his flushed cheeks made him look more worn out than sad. 

 

Linong stared up at him, eyes moving from his bold eyebrows, to his pretty eyelashes, down the slope of his nose, and to his puffy, abused lips. He reached up, wiping away those tears that came too easily with gentle finger. Xukun could feel the soft pad of his thumb graze over his cheekbone, something he’d never feel from the rough and calloused hands of all the other people he could call his men. 

 

He was weak, just a tad weak for Linong, and didn’t have it in him to stay frustrated for much longer. So, he let that weakness spread through to his arms and lowered himself down onto Linong’s chest, carelessly wiping his eyes on his shirt. “Fine, I forgive you.”

 

“You forgive me too easily.” Linong trailed soft, calming strokes up and down his spine, letting Xukun calm down before he asked for anything. However, Xukun seemed to have a seperate idea, as he slowly started to inch his lips across Linong’s exposed collarbones, and up his neck.

 

Linong let him take over, settling one arm down on Xukun’s back and letting another creep up to the base of his head. Xukun kissed feverishly, moving hurriedly up to Linong’s lips and hungrily moving against him. He vaguely noted that Xukun tasted too much like old Japanese rice beer and nicotinr for his liking. It was wet and messy, yet electricity ran through Linong’s bones and left tingles at the tips of his fingers. It was so strong, he was sure even Xukun could feel the little static shocks. He matched their paces, kissing, licking, biting back. He was sure he could go on for days, but they had to stop after a couple minutes, both gasping for breath. 

 

Xukun’s breathing was hot and heavy against Linong’s shoulder, and between those burdened breaths, he mumbled, “I have to forgive you, you’re almost all I have.” 

 

He sighed, “I won’t disappear if you snap at me, I can understand.”

 

“Can you promise me that?” 

 

“I promise.” 

 

Xukun breathed out a laugh, shaking his head. “That’s too cheesy, let’s move on.”

 

“Alright, let’s talk about how you should go down and help me with chores.” 

 

He received a groan in response, and Xukun dug his face further into Linong’s shirt. “Something else, please.” 

 

“Yanjun helped yesterday, Kunkun, it’s your turn.” 

 

“This is targeting.” 

 

Linong chuckled. “I’ll give you a minute.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> linong's a dumbass an xukun's too nice to him ;(  
> dw xukun's definitely not gonna be this much of a pushover further along in the story
> 
> i'm working on a zikun fic uwu and i actually really like the premise, it's not so dark and moody and not about prostitution or anything sexual (for once lmao i'm sorry)  
> it's still gona be on the darker side but it's not gonna have a lot of angst, just a lot more personality
> 
> also uwu please comment   
> comments bring me life i'm an attention whore  
> love y'all!


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